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Thread: Summer

  1. #1
    Mentor toddm's Avatar
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    Summer

    Little boys
    after baseball games
    with sopping bangs.
    Little girls
    leaping into swimming pools
    in pink swimsuits.

    While hot sunlight

    glitters upon the green leaves
    waving and swinging in sweltering winds:
    those leaves grown long
    by generous showers
    which sparkle like diamonds in the grass.

    And those summer afternoons
    drift into summer evenings
    sitting on front porch swings
    hearing cicadas sing
    and watching the children
    chase fireflies and laugh
    while the fading light lasts.
    Last edited by toddm; 06-22-2011 at 02:49 AM.
    A growing collection of writings at my blog: Poems and Vignettes
    Also check out the latest installment of The Catholic Sojourner

  2. #2
    Mentor Firemajic's Avatar
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    I love this--I am a country Girl--Actually -we lived in the Deeeep woods.not much to do but play in the woods-and catch fireflies by the porch light-while mom sat on the porch and visited with my Aunt and Uncles...You captured the mood of those evenings so beautifully that I am quite homesick for those innocent childhood times. As always-a pleasure to read your work--Peace-Jul

  3. #3
    Poetry Moderator Chester's Daughter's Avatar
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    Fabulous imagery, Todd, so very vivid I swore I could smell grass and hear giggling. Love this. I have to thank you, love, you bring some sorely needed light to these boards. Please keep doing you.

    Best,
    Lisa

  4. #4
    Mentor toddm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firemajic View Post
    I love this--I am a country Girl--Actually -we lived in the Deeeep woods.not much to do but play in the woods-and catch fireflies by the porch light-while mom sat on the porch and visited with my Aunt and Uncles...You captured the mood of those evenings so beautifully that I am quite homesick for those innocent childhood times. As always-a pleasure to read your work--Peace-Jul
    A kindred spirit to me I see : ) playing in the woods is much more fun than playing on the wii ; )

    As far as childhood, innocence, homesickness, nostalgia, beauty, nature, etc - these are all the things that keep me writing
    ---todd
    A growing collection of writings at my blog: Poems and Vignettes
    Also check out the latest installment of The Catholic Sojourner

  5. #5
    Mentor toddm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChestersDaughter View Post
    Fabulous imagery, Todd, so very vivid I swore I could smell grass and hear giggling. Love this. I have to thank you, love, you bring some sorely needed light to these boards. Please keep doing you.
    Again Lisa, you are very kind - you fuel my desire to take writing to further levels - words can be so powerful, it really is quite amazing their power - and I've only dabbled in it

    Light, O yes Light - after spending my own time in darkness, I revel in the light and it's nice to see that some of that light sometimes shines through what I've written

    ---todd
    A growing collection of writings at my blog: Poems and Vignettes
    Also check out the latest installment of The Catholic Sojourner

  6. #6
    Poetry and Introductions Moderator
    candid petunia's Avatar
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    Beautiful again. It's nice to read something sunny from time to time.

    waving and swinging in sweltering winds
    I realised recently - I like alternate alliteration, inverted too (example of this would be strangely bonded, bizarrely separated from one of my poems. lol just wanted to clear what I was talking about. )

    which sparkle like diamonds in the grass
    You make a lot of diamonds sparkle, don't you? Beautiful imagery again.

    Loved the poem, Todd. Keep posting.
    “The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen

    "Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke


  7. #7
    Ink Slinger JosephB's Avatar
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    Yes, this is nice and easy and straightforward. I can relate to all of it. A breath of fresh air -- even if it's warm, humid summer air. Nice job.
    "Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love."
    -- Albert Einstein

    "I am really only interested in a fiction of miracles."

    --
    Flannery O'Connor


  8. #8
    FoWF Jinxi's Avatar
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    The way you write is spectacular todd. I love how I always feel like I am "in" your poem - I can feel, see, smell everything that you describe. It is so wonderful to read your work. Good job!

  9. #9
    Scrivener
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    great images! and lots of great sounds, this was fun to read. i'm hoping to have lots of backyard barbiques this summer, so this just hit the spot. very well done.

    wood

  10. #10
    Mentor Squalid Glass's Avatar
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    That first stanza felt like Cummings to me. Very strong imagery, great use of sound.

    One thought: "golden showers". Cliche? Awful connotations? I suggest maybe rewording that one.
    Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.

    Check out my new blog, complete with new poetry! - http://www.writingforums.com/blogs/squalid-glass/

  11. #11
    Prolific Writer Angel101's Avatar
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    ^ I agree about the "golden showers" bit. Defintiely bad ideas associated with that. You don't want that in your poem. Ha, ha.

    Anyway, thank you for this, Todd. Gave me such a nice, warm feeling. I just got done writing a really hard piece for me, so I needed something to read that made me feel good. I can't really do anything but echo what everyone else said. Nice job. Thanks for sharing.
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  12. #12
    Ink Slinger JosephB's Avatar
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    Ha Ha. Oops. I didn't make the golden shower connection. But now that you mention it...
    "Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love."
    -- Albert Einstein

    "I am really only interested in a fiction of miracles."

    --
    Flannery O'Connor


  13. #13
    Mentor toddm's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by candid petunia View Post
    Beautiful again. It's nice to read something sunny from time to time.
    "Sunny" means something different in your part of the world I'm sure : ) thanks - I'm glad you found the beauty in it

    I realised recently - I like alternate alliteration, inverted too (example of this would be strangely bonded, bizarrely separated from one of my poems. lol just wanted to clear what I was talking about. )
    I get what you are saying : ) and I didn't notice this here until you pointed out - I honestly don't intentionally use things like that, as in "I think I'll use an inverted alliteration here" - it is a nice effect though, I'll look forward to seeing your use of it - thanks so much for bringing it to my attention : )

    You make a lot of diamonds sparkle, don't you?
    I had thought you would zero in on that part : )

    Beautiful imagery again. Loved the poem, Todd. Keep posting.
    thanks for your kind words : )
    ---todd
    A growing collection of writings at my blog: Poems and Vignettes
    Also check out the latest installment of The Catholic Sojourner

  14. #14
    Mentor toddm's Avatar
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    ok, Angel101, Squalid Glass, and JosephB, I truly had to step away and think for several minutes about what you were meaning by the "golden showers", what the bad connotation could be - then I saw it

    honestly folks, is that how it hits you? : ) Maybe you also see "rainbows frowning through urine-golden air" [Disturbed by Spring] : )

    I liked the coupling of "golden" and "diamonds" there, but...

    Now that you've said it, the impression remains when I read it - even if I christen it with innocence, a little boy tinkling in the yard, it doesn't go in this piece at all : )

    So I'm caving and changing it - I weighed several options, and it came down to either "generous showers" or "silver showers", but I'm going with "generous" - thanks, I think : )

    ---todd
    A growing collection of writings at my blog: Poems and Vignettes
    Also check out the latest installment of The Catholic Sojourner

  15. #15
    Mentor Squalid Glass's Avatar
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    Sorry, R. Kelly ruined that combination for me.
    Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.

    Check out my new blog, complete with new poetry! - http://www.writingforums.com/blogs/squalid-glass/

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