Thread: The Sea and the Sky

Like iridescent soap bubbles that float up to the sky,
your eyes

Like the New World Symphony playing for a hushed audience,
your voice

Like the white gull feathers when Icarus drowned,
the papers, fallen to the ground

When I pick them up for you
Your thanks are worth the oceans blue

And for your sake, beloved one,
As Icarus for the blazing sun,
I would gladly drown, too

Sorry. I know love poems shouldn't exist
but I just couldn't resist.
'Twas a mixture of hormones
and the feeling of being alone.

Ah! It definitely NEEDS to exist! Very nice. I don't think it's cliche at all, and I love the allusions.

One thought. I think the final line needs two more beats. The rhythm is awkward with that fine rhyme. Just a thought.

Thank you. Hmm... but I can't think of anything that would fit!

Oh! "Gladly" fits!

This was beautiful! I loved it.

Ah! Fine literature you have here! There's nothing wrong with a descent love poem.

Very nice Trides, and I agree that love poems must exist!

Don't be sorry! I think good love poems are deceptively hard to write and you've done a great job, it's very earnest and sweet

Is not Love one of the driving forces of human nature? With your first line-you hooked me..

You did a fine job with this. Pretty clever.

I like love poems. Most of mine are, in one way or another. It's one of the few things that inspire me to write poetry. It's all about expressing your feelings in ways that aren't cliche or expected. If you can do that -- it's all good.

In a way, most things that we write are inspired by love. Thing of all the things that you could write about and then ask yourself why that thing even exists or, at least, "Why do you write?" Most of the time, the answer is love.

I enjoyed this one, not sure why it is in

quotes

: )

the imagery is unusual in a good way - not trite at all

the last stanza could use a bit of tweaking to really round it off well - and "gladly" would go in there well

---todd

Thanks, all. I didn't really expect commentary.

Is not Love one of the driving forces of human nature?

Heck no. Lust is, though. And lust + confusion = love. In my humble opinion, lust, money and food will always be the most important driving forces of human nature.

Pretty clever.

Yeah, I'm like that. Congrats on your 3,000 posts.

In a way, most things that we write are inspired by love. Thing of all the things that you could write about and then ask yourself why that thing even exists or, at least, "Why do you write?" Most of the time, the answer is love.

Or hate.
@toddm: It had to be in quotes, to separate it from my little apology stanza.
Sure, I'll reluctantly put in "gladly"... *gets up with a creaking of joints and edits topic post*

Ah! But why do we hate?

For more reasons than I can fully list.