Thread: Stage 3

My footsteps laugh through
the grass and gravel
and the streetlights gasp
awake as if waking from
a nightmare and the highway
about a mile away from here
hums like X-ray machines
and how am I going to tell
them and maybe a cigarette.
it certainly won't help
if I come in smelling
of cigarettes but "what does
it matter" is always a good
answer, I guess, but answers
needs questions and they will
have loads of them soon. The sky,
sunburnt and all, blushes
deeply and maybe this is just
as embarrasing for nature as
it is for me I mean, who enjoys
telling someone something like that?


My footsteps grind their teeth
against the sidewalk and the
streetlights are all nervous
like they got some secrets that
they are dying to tell and my feet
cough up their way the wooden steps
and I let my finger run down
the sharp metal spine of
the house key and what should
I do?

This was an interesting read. Here are my thoughts:

Originally Posted by Hinducow28

My footsteps laugh through
the grass and gravel
and the streetlights gasp Great intro. Very nice personification.
awake as if waking from I think "from" needs to be enjambed to the next line.
a nightmare and the highway
about a mile away from here
hums like X-ray machines Great simile.
and how am I going to tell
them and maybe a cigarette. I understand the repetition of "and" and the frantic pace of this, but this last line is a bit confusing. I think maybe at least one comma in this bit.
it certainly won't help
if I come in smelling
of cigarettes but "what does
it matter" is always a good
answer, I guess, but answers
needs questions and they will Should be "need"
have loads of them soon. The sky,
sunburnt and all, blushes
deeply and maybe this is just
as embarrasing for nature as
it is for me I mean, who enjoys
telling someone something like that? Honestly, I'm confused. But your imagery is great and it keeps the poem interesting.


My footsteps grind their teeth
against the sidewalk and the Beautiful
streetlights are all nervous
like they got some secrets that
they are dying to tell and my feet Nice refrain from earlier.
cough up their way the wooden steps "cough up their way" a little confusing syntax.
and I let my finger run down
the sharp metal spine of
the house key and what should
I do? Again, confused as to the basic plot, but the train of thought and the nervousness and rush of the speaker is wonderful.

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