display your banner here

Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Her Existence

  1. 06-12-2011, 08:30 PM #1
    candid petunia
    candid petunia is offline
    Poetry and Introductions Moderator
    candid petunia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
    Posts
    2,449

    Her Existence

    Sitting in the moonlight by the lake,
    a woman searches for existence.
    Tomorrow she lives with another,
    lives in prison - the end of freedom,
    and she feels empty, a bleeding dread.
    Her face clouds; in the sky she perceives
    the wan pallor of the gloomy moon.

    Sitting in the moonlight by the lake,
    a woman understands existence.
    Tomorrow begins another life,
    it is the beginning of freedom,
    and suddenly, her life knows meaning.
    Her face shines, and in the sky she sees
    the brilliant glow of the radiant moon.

    Both women start anew,
    they look for existence.
    They are strangely bonded,
    bizarrely separated.


    I know this poem is raw, but this is how I felt while writing it. To me, it feels complete and lacking at the same time.
    “The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen

    "Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. 06-12-2011, 08:45 PM #2
    garza
    garza is online now
    Reporter
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    3,289
    Blog Entries
    1
    All this poem lacked was a reader's appreaciation. So now it's complete.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. 06-12-2011, 09:09 PM #3
    candid petunia
    candid petunia is offline
    Poetry and Introductions Moderator
    candid petunia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
    Posts
    2,449
    Thank you.
    “The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen

    "Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. 06-12-2011, 09:11 PM #4
    SilverMoon
    SilverMoon is offline
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    In Own Imagination
    Posts
    1,385
    Blog Entries
    4
    It feels very complete to me! You've juxtaposed to women's existances with easy transition. Not easy to come by.

    The ending is a tough touch of brilliance!

    They are strangely bonded,
    bizarrely separated.
    More! Laurie
    "Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light" Groucho Marx
    http://www.punksoulpoet.com/2011/04/inspired-by-the-artist-andrea-wch/#top"Emalyne"
    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF
    "No Forgiveness for the Chrysalis"

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. 06-12-2011, 09:14 PM #5
    candid petunia
    candid petunia is offline
    Poetry and Introductions Moderator
    candid petunia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
    Posts
    2,449
    Quote Originally Posted by SilverMoon View Post
    The ending is a tough touch of brilliance!
    Thank you, Laurie.
    “The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen

    "Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. 06-12-2011, 11:14 PM #6
    Squalid Glass
    Squalid Glass is offline
    Mentor Squalid Glass's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Colorado Springs, CO
    Posts
    512
    Blog Entries
    6
    Send a message via AIM to Squalid Glass
    I agree. I think the contrast is very strong and the ending is "a tough touch of brilliance."
    Poets are always taking the weather so personally. They're always sticking their emotions in things that have no emotions.

    Check out my new blog, complete with new poetry! - http://www.writingforums.com/blogs/squalid-glass/
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. 06-13-2011, 03:05 AM #7
    JosephB
    JosephB is offline
    Ink Slinger JosephB's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    Atlanta, GA
    Posts
    4,296
    This is a good concept. I was toying with the idea it was the same women, maybe conflicted about something or even at different times in her life. I think the end works too, but I see how you might feel it's incomplete. It leaves me wondering -- but maybe that's good. Nice job.
    "Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love."
    -- Albert Einstein

    "I am really only interested in a fiction of miracles."
    --     Flannery O'Connor
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. 06-13-2011, 10:33 AM #8
    candid petunia
    candid petunia is offline
    Poetry and Introductions Moderator
    candid petunia's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Riyadh, Saudi Arabia
    Posts
    2,449
    Squalid Glass, thanks.
    Joseph, you're right there, it was actually keeping a single woman in mind - me, but I hadn't realised it. Leaves me wondering about the poem too now. I've seen it from a different angle. Thank you.
    Last edited by candid petunia; 06-13-2011 at 10:52 AM.
    “The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen

    "Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke

    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules