Thread: Monday Morning

A bird’s eye view
your back tattoo
soft, cello-curves
expanding

look back
slit-eyed
smile, slyly
utter, obscenely
in half-sleep haze

enveloped
in velum light
exhausted
lying, entwined
delay
the impending
fervor
of routine

belly-down
splayed
white-on-white
I leave you, warm
full
dreaming

You really have a talent for capturing a moment, Joe. Excellent and I much enjoyed, though I almost feel like I've been a peeping tom here.

this is a very soft and longing moment, very elegant, and i can relate to that experience (such a perfect feeling... why disturb it) very well done.

zig

This made me think of Stevens' "Sunday Morning" not just because of the title, but the focus on the moment and the mention of birds right of the bat.

Your use of line is great as is your vocabulary. I very much enjoyed this moment poem.

Gumby -- thanks for reading. Most of my poems are inspired by moments -- I get a feeling from them and try to capture it without thinking too much.

wood -- Glad you appreciated it. Thanks for reading and commenting.

S.G. -- Thanks. Not always sure about how to break things. I write pretty fast, but usually spend the most time with that aspect of it. A lot of rearranging and revisiting. Glad it worked for you.

Cheers, all.

Where have you been, Joseph? Naughty soul neglecting us so. tsk, tsk. Your ability to capture what should be just ordinary moments in the so called American Dream and beautify them so substantially never ceases to amaze me. And that you do it without a bunch of frills shows the extent of your talent. Your pieces are like snapshots to me, cherished memories captured for all time. This piece is no exception. I adore S3 for it's sentiment, lovely wording and perfect enjambment. Another winner, Joe, the depth of your love for your wife is a pleasure to be privy to, although like Cin, sometimes, I feel the voyeur. lol. Well done, love.

Best,
Lisa

Lisa, I've just been keeping busy with work, family, kids activities etc. -- writing always seems to take a back seat. I'm glad this worked for you. Very often, my relationship with my wife is the only thing that inspires me to write poetry at all -- but I'm trying to branch out from that some and try some new things. Thanks so much for reading and the positive comments. I hope to post and participate more here, even if it's just for the summer as things have slowed down a bit.

Cheers

This is such a lovely poem Joseph. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. I can relate completely to the feelings you have captured - a special, warm, loving moment in time. It is clear to see the love and appreciation you have for your wife, and it is an honour to share that with you through your words. Thank you.

Nice one

It puts me in mind of two people in a modern style appartement with a clean and bright layout as well as lots of metal and glass. I somehow imagine a woman descending a spiral staircase to the lower half, while looking towards the bright window that faces east in the bright morning light with her small bag held over her right shoulder, smiling with a mixture of joy and mischief. Oh.. and I think there is some cellophane-like paper from an unpacked present on the table... I think it contained a bottle of wine

I'm sure you had your very own different image in mind, but it surely painted a very detailed one for me =D>

Jinxi -- thanks so much for reading and the nice comments. What makes you think it's about my wife? (Heh.)

MedBen -- A slightly different image. A messy bedroom, laundry by the door, kids lurking in the hall etc. Glad it worked for you.

Stunningly Beautiful in it's simplicity , Peace-Jul

Originally Posted by JosephB

Jinxi -- thanks so much for reading and the nice comments. What makes you think it's about my wife? (Heh.)

Um, it was an assumption?

It's about her. I'd be in mighty big trouble otherwise.

This poem is so sensual, but it's subtlety makes it so. I think the only downfall is that you've described it so well, you have dozens of members imagining your wife's body. I think you made a wise choice with the lack of extensive punctuation, and the lower-case setting - like the simplicity of the love you clearly feel, and the complete relaxation of yourself when describing her (and after the deed). Definitely a Monday Morning piece. I feel very mellow, which means I think you've achieved your goal (or one of them). A beautiful poem, Joseph.

Originally Posted by JosephB

It's about her. I'd be in mighty big trouble otherwise.

Lol. It's really beautiful.