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Thread: Reading in the Library(version 2)

  1. #1
    Prolific Writer Chiefspider's Avatar
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    Reading in the Library(version 2)

    ok this is my other "Reading in the Library" enjoy

    Surrounded by fiction,
    science and history
    I sit and ponder
    as to what do I absorb next?
    Knowledge of yesterday?
    Fantasies of maybe-tomorrows?
    or perhaps tales magic?

    I sit and wonder
    whom shall I absorb next?
    Ann Bausum?
    Eoin Colfer?
    Or perhaps J.R Tolken?
    A question of
    immense contemplation

    sliding gates allow
    another visitor
    to this paper hell
    What shall you absorb”
    I ask?
    Stranger than fiction
    this man of wisdom
    new his ordeal
    and answered my question
    by tearing me open
    Last edited by Chiefspider; 06-11-2011 at 08:08 PM.

  2. #2
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
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    Chief, much improved! And I'm so glad you rid this revision of "biorhythm". Too much a complicated word for the context of your poem. Really, a complicated word in general. Here, you're more direct, rendering the poem much more comprehensible. I really enjoyed. Felt like I was right in the Library. Comments below.


    Surrounded by fiction,
    science and history,

    I sit and ponder
    as to what I absorb next?
    Knowledge of yesterday?
    Fantasies of maybe-tomorrows
    or perhaps tales magic?
    Love this 1st stansa. Overwhelmed with so many delightful possibilites, setting the tone for this piece.

    I sit and wonder
    whom shall I absorb next?
    Ann Bausum?
    Eoin Colfer?
    Or perhaps J.R Tolken?
    A question of
    immense contemplation

    Sliding gates allow
    another visitor You might want to elaborate, here. Describe, just enough.
    to this paper hell Loving this! Great imagery, describing where the guy resides, now.
    " What shall you absorb, Eliminate "to", here.
    I ask? Question mark at end
    Stranger than fiction
    this man of wisdom
    new his ordeal
    and answered my question
    by taring me open Do you mean "tearing" me open? If so, why and how?
    Some suggestions you might want to give some thought to. So much more improved than your original! Thanks for the read. Laurie
    Last edited by SilverMoon; 06-11-2011 at 05:38 PM.
    "Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light" Groucho Marx
    http://www.punksoulpoet.com/2011/04/inspired-by-the-artist-andrea-wch/#top"Emalyne"
    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF
    "No Forgiveness for the Chrysalis"


  3. #3
    Prolific Writer Chiefspider's Avatar
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    thanks for the critique and suggestions! I'll definitely take them into consideration, and as for "by tearing me open" I was trying to indicate the narrator himself was a book if it still dosent make sense after knowing this I'll go ahead and elaborate on it.

  4. #4
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
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    Chief, somewhere along the lines of the poem I think you might imply that the book is a metaphor for the narrator. I have no suggestions right now. Could be a real workout for the brain if you're up for the challenge.
    "Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light" Groucho Marx
    http://www.punksoulpoet.com/2011/04/inspired-by-the-artist-andrea-wch/#top"Emalyne"
    http://www.motleypress.artandsole.org.uk/Issue1opt.PDF
    "No Forgiveness for the Chrysalis"


  5. #5
    Prolific Writer Chiefspider's Avatar
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    hmmm I see, I shall take my time and try to make the perfect work out for the human brain O_O

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