Thread: Rusholme Ruffians

"Why do you have
a fountain pen tattooed
on your arm?"
She moves her arm away
from me and hides
it behind her back.
"If you can guess
correctly I will
love you forever."
the challenge hangs
heavy like a dulling
wine and I know she
really doesn't mean
a thing (there's an
engagement ring, you know)
but my faith in love being
devout I let my tremulous
heart speak for me.

someone falls in love
and someone's beaten up
but I walk home alone.

Ooh, what a riddle.

I can't solve it.

heh, well that's pretty clever. this has a strong sense of voice. the last stanza is a bit confusioing but perhaps it should be, walking around a little dazed, like when you get suckered into something and then slapped around... like your subject did! very nicely done.

zig

I love parentheticals. People usually hate them, but I love them. I think the parenthetical in this piece is my favorite part. The internal rhyme is so sweet.

I agree with wood. Strong voice in this piece.