Thread: Only Blood

To be honest
I can’t tell if I ever loved you
Not anymore
Not after so long
Does it matter?
Not to anyone that counts
And lives
Are simple things
Taken out of context
Like bread crumbs
Next to ants
You know
The heart
Is a metaphor
Clichéd and laboring
Beneath burdensome expectations
There is no explanation
For this behavior
In either ventricle
Only blood
It took so long
For me to say
I’m glad
You get to smile sometimes
I do too
I’m glad we shared
The few we had
together

-Erick Diaz, August 10, 2007

Wao, this is good, comes accross a bit vindictive and bitter. 'Are simple things taken out of context'. Is that meant as a question? If so I do not think a question mark is out of place. Maybe more punctuations could have come accross better. Look this is a lovely piece, no lie.

There is so much that I love about this Poem-the first 5 lines -good stuff! I don't think it sound bitter-maybe sad-but the writer sounds like in retrospect -he realizes a mistake-and is trying to understand it.Also that he has salvaged a few good memories from the ashes.

@Moonrise: I left the intervening line between "not to anyone that counts" and "are simple things" intentionally ubiquitous to throw off the reader. You can read it a couple of ways but the true intention is to read it both ways, giving two meaning to a single line. The tone I was going for wasn't so much vindictive as accepting, a moment of humility that puts past failures in perspective.

I was attempting to deconstruct the metaphor of the heart and through that exercise release myself from the onus of regret that accompanies a failed relationship.

Originally Posted by Glass Pencil

@Moonrise: I left the intervening line between "not to anyone that counts" and "are simple things" intentionally ubiquitous to throw off the reader. You can read it a couple of ways but the true intention is to read it both ways, giving two meaning to a single line. The tone I was going for wasn't so much vindictive as accepting, a moment of humility that puts past failures in perspective.

I was attempting to deconstruct the metaphor of the heart and through that exercise release myself from the onus of regret that accompanies a failed relationship.

Well done Glass Pencil

Beautiful poem, truly beautiful. I very rarely like non-traditional, non-structured verse, but yours is woven very eloquently and the heart of it really shines through at the end. Love this part--

Originally Posted by Glass Pencil

It took so long
For me to say
I’m glad
You get to smile sometimes
I do too
I’m glad we shared
The few we had
together