Thread: Norwegian Wood

I

I can feel the plastic pill
stick to the back of my tongue
before I wash it down with
water that costs 79 cents
(It's for the cup, they said)
but that's alright because in
a little bit it'll be worth
it I mean five dollars is
a good price, isn't it?
and I got enough music
to last me the night so
that's alright.

II

Pupils dialate and pulse quickens
just a little bit and there's a little
bit of a jittery feeling but I feel
fine and I think this will really
work and I doubt this many
milligrams will cause any problems
(when was the last time someone
had to go to the hospital after
a single pill but there's always
the chance that it could happen
you never know now is not the time to
start panicking just) and I doubt
the side effects are that serious
(yellow!)
and is that E major playing over
the speakers?

III

The three four waltz time fills
my heart to the brim with a sawgrass
yellow pastel that same type that sticks
to your hands after a day of painting
sunflowers in the style of van Gogh
and dear god that melody sticks like
pills on dry tongues and that melody
that melody
and my pupils are dialated cause the light
hurts my eyes and my pulse feels light and
everything's so dry (dessicate! word of the day!)
but that's just fine cause I lit a fire,
isn't it good?

"yellow pastel that same type that sticks
to your hands after a day of painting
sunflowers in the style of van Gogh
and dear god that melody sticks like"

A great image, and my favorite line.

Anything dealing with the Beatles is great with me. I like the more subtle use of the song and the more overt use at the end. The lack of punctuation gives the piece a bit of a confused feeling which works with the subject matter.

One thing. "water that cost 79 cents" I am pretty sure that should read "water that costs 79 cents."

to me, the tone of this expressed a combination of panic and exhilaration, which i thought matched the subject perfectly.

and dear god that melody sticks like
pills on dry tongues and that melody
that melody

those are great lines. i liked how you rapidly rushes thru thoughts and images, i also liked your use of enjambment. perhaps you could rearrange some of your lines to create some harsher enjambmebts, such as:

sunflowers in the style of van
Gogh and dear god that melody sticks like

i think that could really beef up the tone to this

very well written, enjoyed this and it stirred up lots of good/bad memories, lol

wood

The enjambment idea sounds pretty cool. Could really subtly manipulate the shifting perspective of the narrator. Thanks for checking this out!

"(yellow!)"
Thought of van Gogh as soon as I saw that, lol.
Good stuff.