Thread: Pretty little thing

She was a pretty little thing
Some said a genius
Who could talk to many nations
But I didn't trust her
For come upon her quietly
And you could hear her whisper
"Come quick, come quick, come quick."

She was a pretty little thing
Some said a mystic
Who could talk to long dead people
But I didn't trust her
For come upon her quietly
And you could hear her whisper
"This world, this world, this world."

She was a pretty little thing
Some said a Healer
Who could touch a person healthy
But I didn't trust her
For come upon her quietly
And you could hear her whisper
"Kill them, kill them, kill them."

I am intrigued ....SOOOOO VERY INTRIGUED ! I feel like I have just read the prologue to a book -that I just can't WAIT to get between the covers of.You can not stop there.... Are you going to stop there?

Thank you so much for your positive comment.
In answer to your question, I'm not really sure Firemajic. The idea was to get the reader wondering, but I do find it a bit dissatisfying. Almost a disappointment, as though - as a reader - I've been a bit let down. I'd appreciate some other thoughts on this.
Prologue to a book? Now there is an interesting idea.

I completely agree with Firemajic, this is engaging and captivating I would definitely encourage you to expand this piece and fill in the blanks to the story, if your goal was to get a reader interested this certainly succeeds. As for what direction you could go in to expand it theres just so many options, I want to know more about the narrator, I want to hear more mutterings and I want a better physical picture of the "pretty little thing", really good job.
-Ian

Agreed with the others. The repetition is excellent, but I would love to know more about this character.

Well, you have left your readers wanting more, that alone says a lot. I found it just as intriguing as the others and would love to see you expand it.

Oh dear now I'll have to do some more work. Thanks guys, I'm glad it got you all wondering. Now I'm wondering what to do with it. I think - once I finish the novel I'm working on - I might try it out for the next one. The thought of a 'pretty little thing' trying to bring about the demise of everyone on the planet is kind of intriguing.

Beautiful, and yes very intriguing. Would definitely love to know more.

i like the repetition, it holds the theme together well, and i have to agree with the others, i would like to see more, a little more indepth querry into the duelality of this person. enjoyed this.

wood