Thread: Surgically Broken

Baby-daddy took my son for the day, so I was able to finish this! I'm so glad! Okay. So this poem is very unconventional in structure. Maybe too out there for some. But I would love your thoughts if you care to venture into my insanity. You have no idea how long it took me to get this freaking code the way I wanted it. I am exasperated, but satisfied! Ha, ha. Enjoy!

Surgically Broken

Code:

              Gaping orifice. Just right there	      for me to sew up
with uneven edges. Hung flesh, always reaching      with needles. Would be seductive.	
                For the source. Where it bleeds.      I’d love it if that blood were me.	
                                
                                  Bottle it up. All I can get.

 No punctures, no burns. Not ready to be whole.      Lovely organs in geometric anomalies. 
                              I am still under	          all of my breath, all of my sex.
       Jutting cancers that tear me apart, but         I am too beautiful for you to forget.
I can be brilliant broken, so break me in two.        But make fire in your abdomen. It’s congenital.	
                                 
                                   Born to be. Cauterized.

    Irrigate all my wounds. I want to be		just like you. Sexy girl.
        Clean. Please don’t infect me.	       I like to be perfect. Smoke all over juicy skin.
                  Tearing out the muscles, 	 blowing the air from my lungs,
                   lose every piece. I can’t	make us whole again.
       		                
                                  Be this way. On the inside.

Your "code" is certainly one worth "probing"! About the visual. This is the first time I've seen a poem presented in a "quote". So early on, knowing a bit about how your mind works I would say that there is meaning here in presentation. But what, Mistress of Metaphor?

And it's very e.e. cummings.

Hung flesh, always reaching with needles

Not fair. But I would say you're suggesting that hungry flesh, hung down (as in desperate) is reaching for the needle. The addict's fix.

I am too beautiful for you to forget.
I can be brilliant broken, so break me in two.

"Brilliant broken" is brilliant!

"So break me in two"

Maybe, a challenge ? You've been broken (I imagine multiple fractures), So, go ahead and break me in two. Ha! It means nothing to me.

Born to be. Cauterized.

Not in the traditional surgical sense (in fact little of all this is) but meaning "Born to be deadened as to feelings."

Looking forward to you elaborating....

Well, it had to be a quote, unfortunately. I would prefer to post it straight. But the structure is just so crazy that it couldn't be done. And I got pissed and just put the code wrapper on it so it would do what I wanted. Ha, ha. But there is definitely a lot of meaning with this one. Some double meanings, actually.

Mistress of Metaphor. I'll make that my middle name. Ha, ha.

Didn't really get much input on this one. But maybe a bit of clarity will help tone down the insanity?

This poem can actually be read four different ways, being how it's broken up the way it is. Each side can stand on its own as a poem. And the tones are completely different. Then together, you can read each line straight across over the break, or you can take it a stanza at a time going back and forth between the two. But when they're read together, especially line by line, this is supposed to be a sort of push and pull motion. (It's more cleanly conveyed when the structure is correct. Couldn't quite get it to do what I wanted here.) One side wants to be broken and pulled apart. The other side wants to be sewn/pulled together. Won't go any deeper than that, but maybe the basic idea will help.

Would love some input on how this came together. It makes sense to me, but I was the one that wrote it. Don't know how it comes across to someone on the outside. Thanks guys. Much love!

Bay

Bay, my aunt who is brilliant in so many aspects of the arts used to write poems like this one. She would call them her "Patchwork poems." I was always amazed at her ability to create different poems on one page to be read horizontaly and vertically and have it all make perfect sense. She had typed up several for me back then but they got lost in moves throughout the years. I wish I would have had one to post here. I'm thinking that there must be a ligitimate genre for this type of work. I think I'll try narrowing down a search and see what I come up with. Truely amazing, Bay. Laurie

Brillant, Bay, you're a genius. What patience you possess to create such complexity. Tug of war, no matter which way it's read. Torn, but unable to decide if torn is good or bad, one minute happy that way, the next wanting to be whole, unable to choose a single side either. Your desire for the push/pull has been masterfully penned. Quite frankly, love, your narrator seems a mess, perhaps one step away from madness. You've got the pacing down perfectly. Funny thing is, I can't cite specifics, it's too fuzzy, there are hints and I have my ideas, but I'll keep my mouth shut because I stink at interpretation due to my bad habit of taking things literally. I will say you put this reader in your narrator's head and it was like being pulled like taffy, I couldn't wait to get out. I think that's probably what you were aiming for, specifics are nonessential when such havoc is evoked. That's a fancy way to say I'm stupid, lol. This is a work of art, Bay, kudos.

Best,
Lisa

wow, how did i miss this? this is great! i like playing with form too, it adds so many other aspects to the experience. this is my take, i havent read your comment yet so i could be wrong. the lest side feeling shame and regret, wanting to undo something (perhaps a bad sexual experience?) while the right side is playing demon to it in some stanzas, angel in other. but reading together, all the way across, it becomes somethign different... like a struggle for identity, a question of how to live with both the shame and the thrill, and be of one mind with it... thats what i see anyway.

also, this provided a really cool visual effect (like a bonus beyond the poem) it reminded me of a rorschach test. i see... a chest x-ray

wood

wood: Ah, you are absolutely correct in your perception of the piece. Thank you. Now that I've finally got more than a tiny moment of time, I can also go comment on your piece. Ha, ha.

Lisa: I'm always so flattered by your comments, but would love to hear your interpretation sometime. Different interpretations show me where I need more clarity. Thank you! Talk soon.