Thread: O World! O Life!

O World! O Life!
O Struggle! O Strife!
O precipice and fearful way!
O tangledness and thorny fray!
Behold the feet on shifting sands
and the eyes made blind by darkened lands!

O Caution! Caution! O Humble steps!
O Patience in the darkest hour!
O little hand awaiting the touch
of familiar grasp and cheerful warmth
taking you to places never known
which otherwise would have never been found!

O Trust! O Peace!
O Hope beyond hope!
O Quietude! O Rest!
O Courage and Faithfulness! O!

Nice. I do believe the first stanza is the best.

Yes, that first stanza could stand alone, I think. An almost scriptural feel to this.

NIIICCCEEEE! The second stanza was killer. O patience in the darkest hour ,O little hands.. such carefully selected words used to create a gentle tug at my heart strings. Thanks -Peace-Jul

Originally Posted by Firemajic

NIIICCCEEEE! The second stanza was killer. O patience in the darkest hour ,O little hands.. such carefully selected words used to create a gentle tug at my heart strings. Thanks -Peace-Jul

thanks - I'm glad it had an effect - It was a bit of self-talk I wrote a few years back, during a very trying time - it was initially meant only for my own encouragement - you are right in perceiving that the words are very carefully selected.

Gumby, interesting you see a "scriptural" connection - I do think it is a bit hymn or chant-like - the first stanza is fairly standard as far as meter and rhyme: the writer is holding it together in the face of very real terror - But the piece devolves from there a bit structurally as jittery anxiety creeps in - the last stanza is near-staccato in admonitions to the self, to remain calm and hopeful while being in truth scared nearly to death, but trying to be brave, so brave...

---todd

You've done a very good job of making the piece really attractive and appealing despite (or perhaps because of) the archaic vocabulary. I feel that line6 could be improved by either cutting the words "and" or "the" so that it would read as either

Behold the feet on shifting sands,
the eyes made blind by darkened lands!

or

Behold the feet on shifting sands
and eyes made blind by darkened lands!

I love the combination of the repeated apostrophe and exclamation marks; its very visually engaging, demands attention and presses one with urgency, nice work.
-Ian

thanks Ian, for the positive words - I'm glad you liked it.

I found it interesting to hear you refer to the "archaic vocabulary", and I do know what you are getting at, although the only halfway archaic word I think I actually use is "behold". But I think it is the style and tone that give it that archaic, elevated feel. (I suppose using "O" like that is somewhat archaic too).

As far as the line you mentioned, I like the second version you give best of the two - but then that loses the parallel of "the feet..." and "the eyes...", I don't know -

thanks again for the comments -
---todd

very passionate, i could feel the thrill of discovery, and also (O Caution! Caution! O Humble steps!) the fear of the unknown, i like the mixture of exploration and trepidation. well done.

Originally Posted by wood

very passionate, i could feel the thrill of discovery, and also (O Caution! Caution! O Humble steps!) the fear of the unknown, i like the mixture of exploration and trepidation. well done.

thanks wood - I like the positive angle you took away from it

---todd