Thread: Songbird

Where did you come from?
Flitting thing in the corner
of my eye, or imagination.
Where did you come from
to corner with your flutter
the ends of my attention?

You left no footprint.
But for the bend of a branch,
The elastic world would never know
that you came and went.
If not for the shift of an inch,
I would not have seen you come, or go.

vary nice, I like it - keep up the good work!

Glad you like it

This is a lovely description of a songbird, you've truly captured the feel of the moment and the experience. Well done.

I like this, Ian, it's pretty and deep simultaneously. Loved your use of elastic, not so crazy about bend, though. Branches don't normally bend with the weight of a bird, unless it's some huge gargantuan thing that would probably be squawking disgustingly loud not sweetly singing, sorry, I get carried away. To me, a branch recently abandoned sways just a little so you know they've been there. You've captured a nice piece of me with this, those swaying branches have always made me somehow happy. And now, I have to kill you, no nice here, ever. lol.

Best,
Lisa

I like. This had an innocent feel to it.

Thanks for all the compliments I'm glad everyone liked this. @Lisa I really wish I could show you the moment as I saw it because it was a bend and a sway all at once at the very top of a lilac bush, I guess I used bend because it alliterates with branch.

I stand corrected then, we're not talking actual branch (the better to beat you with my dear), we're talking the lighter stuff, stems or twigs or sprouts, or whatever the heck they're called. I'll shut up, now. I wish you could show it to me to see if we see it the same. Your words gave me a vivid enough picture, though, and for that, I thank you.

Me

Very descriptive and Very pretty. Thanks for sharing this.

Lovely poem and realistic description of a Songbird. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this.

So glad you liked it

very serendipitous, you express very well your shock and wonder. yeah, i love moments like that. well done.

wood

As a lover of all things of nature, I have to say..I have had that moment you so elegantly described...caught that mysterious glimpse of a bird then it is gone--nothing left but that movement in the branch of the lilac bush...absolutely glorious. Thank you. Peace...Jul

I like this right up to the last line, which to my mind deflates the whole thing, it's a bit wet, it doesn't leave me wanting more. I love the swapped corners in the first stanza, the use of the two meanings of the word corner, but I think the last line needs to be less dismissive in tone, may I suggest something like:

The elastic world would never know
that you came and went.
If not for the shift of an inch
I may not have seen you go.