Thread: If Only

If only I had taken
a snapshot
every time she smiled,
my walls would be adorned
with her abundant beauty.

If only I had hugged her
every time I had the urge,
these empty arms
would not seem so useless.

If only I had truly listened
every time she spoke,
the wisdom of her words
would still echo in my ears.

If only I had lingered
just a little longer
in that sterile room
where machines sustained
her failing body,
she would not have died
alone.

If only Death
could have been coaxed
to a bargaining table
and convinced to accept
a bribe to relinquish
its steadfast hold
on her soul.

If only I could embrace her
just once more
to whisper an apology
for everything I'd done
and all we never accomplished.

i-f-o-n-l-y-
six innocent letters
arranged just so
by some sick sadist
so long ago
to create an ingenious
torture device
that will survive
until the end of time
destroying the lives
of those left behind.


In light of recent revelations, I thought this piece would be topical. Unfortunately, it was swept away in the cleanse, so I had to repost in order to share.

I quite like this piece, especially the last stanza. This stanza could stand alone and make an excellent short. Only a thought.

Thanks for an enjoyable read.

Lover

vary nice, and I agree with the above, last stanza was amazing keep up the good work!

Dear Lover, It's been too long a while, I'm glad to see you back. Elated you enjoyed the piece. If I remember correctly, some of your pieces were very clever snippets, unfortunately, I'm too much of a blabbermouth to be brief. I do agree with you 100%, though, the final stanza is the bottom line and would stand pretty well on its own. Thank you, I never realized it could before you said so.


Dear Chief, Danke, hon, truly appreciated. I'll make a deal with you, I'll keep up the good work as long as you do so right along side me. You're coming into your own, and it is a distinct honor to be a witness to your continuing success.

My sincere thanks to you both, this piece means a great deal to me.

Best,
Lisa

Note: There are a great number of pieces on the board that I need to respond to, please don't feel neglected. My on-time is short today, my daughter needs the computer for school work. I should be able to catch up with everything tomorrow, so don the hazmat suits my pretties. *cackles while vigorously rubbing hands*

Lisa,

What a wonderful work of art. The whole poem hits home for me with what I've been going through these past 6 months.

to create an ingenious
torture device
that will survive
until the end of time
destroying the lives
of those left behind.

IMO, this is what those devices to keep people alive (like they are doing with my father) are, torture devices......... as we have to watch him wrestling for each and every breath and keep cleaning his kidneys 4 hours, 3 days a week, only to see him exhausted and wanting to close his eyes forever. If only..........

Lisa, this is one of your most moving pieces, so well executed and a theme I believe most of us adults can relate to. If only we had done more.

As you know my dear uncle passed last year. I wanted to write a poem for him. Just for him. I think of all the poems we shared with each other. Maybe just two days of work which would have lasted in his memory a long time before he died. But then I remind myself of the times I made him laugh, think, feel wanted as the rest of the family could give a hoot about a man in his 90's.

So, your poem reached me very deeply. It's one I'll be reading again.

I thought this was brilliant.

i-f-o-n-l-y-
six innocent letters
arranged just so

I actually thought the last stanza was unnecessary. I thought ending the piece right before it would have been more powerful. End on an image instead of exposition.

Regardless, I really enjoyed this piece. Very moving.

This poem reminds me of my heroine. My Grandmother. I truly do miss her. Thanks for making me cry. Very nice poem and emotion evoking.

Lisa-you KNOW I love it-and you know why...Dammit Girl you just made me cry...

Lisa - this is a very moving piece of writing, the whole poem is great from beginning to end - the first two stanzas especially made me think to value the time I have with my two very young children, and savor the moments we have - and take nothing for granted -

I like the use of the recurring phrase, which grew in meaning as the piece went along - the 4th stanza really makes an impact, and makes the reader really pay attention and tread softly -

---todd

Lisa I really adored this, it's got a very raw grief to it and I felt as though I were following a distraught train of mind trying to find the logic in such a sad event. A lot of guilt on the shoulders of this narrator, I like the use of 'I'- puts me in mind of suvivors guilt, those left behind. I do feel that the last stanza slightly jars with the bulk of the poem because of the change from 'I', it's brilliant and as emotional as the others but I agree with Squalid Glass, it could stand on it's own. But that's just personal preference on my part.

Really beautifully done.

This brought a tear to my eye, Lisa. I have to agree with Squalid Glass that it would be more powerful sans the last stanza. Such a moving piece of work, indeed.

Vicki

Well done. You have done a marvelous job of capturing the emotion behind "if only".

Cheifspider, I can't help noticing your continuous misspelling of "very". The word "vary" is used for something with variation.

Beautiful, Lisa. Very moving.

Dear Cindy, I am sorry to hear of your father's illness. I will be praying for continued strength for you. If only is a torture device no matter what it's applied to, I used death, but the darn thing knows no boundaries. Hang in there, love, and thank you for taking a few precious moments to share with me and for the kindness of your words.


Dear Law, If I made you think of John and the good times, then this is truly a success. This was written before I learned to stop dwelling, now it's only the good times I dwell on. One must move on or succumb to becoming the living dead. I chose life as Mom would have wanted. Thanks so much for brilliant, hesitated to use the letters that way, thought it might be too gimmicky, glad you didn't think so.


Dear SG, No doubt you're correct, but the final stanza was written first and all the preceding stanzas were born from it. Therefore, I am too fond of it to nix it. I'm elated you were able to enjoy despite it, very moving is a great compliment, thank you.


Dear Scott, Sorry for those tears, truly I am. I dislike making people cry. I can only hope they were bittersweet and not just the byproduct of loss. Thank you so much, I am honored I could bring your Gram to mind.


Dear Jul, Actually, love, this was posted because of you so I'm thrilled it resonated with you. Sorry for those tears, though. Thanks for taking a moment to let me know how you felt, your opinion of this one was highly coveted.


Dear Todd, Thanks so much, such words mean a great deal coming from you. I love you right about now, you got the reason for the piece, if if only taught me anything, it was to cherish every moment of every day with loved ones. No one's guaranteed tomorrow. So happy the progression worked well for you.


Dear Nenada, Just can't let go of that final stanza. It's good to know the grief is that palpable, this was written at the height of it and once penned the healing began. It was a Sunday morning with the bells from the church around the corner pealing so beautifully and I was crying. The final stanza was playing over and over in my head and "What do you regret, Lisa?" popped into my mind. Then the other stanzas came and I finally found peace, putting it into words and sharing made the hurt so much less. I am touched that it touched you.


Dear Vicki, Ugh, more tears, so sorry love. Although general consensus dictates I should remove the final stanza, I just can't get rid of what started this milestone. Thank you, love, "moving piece of work" means the world coming from you.


Dear Isaiah, Danke, hon, I'm glad you think I did a sufficient job in capturing that which those nasty six letters tormented me with.


My sincere thanks to you all for sharing a few of your precious moments with me, and again, I'm sorry for those tears.

All my best,
Lisa