Thread: Earth Listened to a Phone Call

What ceremony of slighted sentences,
keeps us alive like some ripe sludge;
slippery, for an insect’s sweet pillow?

May mayhem cares not for mending.
god moths feed on my pinned butterfly heart
while you cradle the ghost of a June bug.
Last summer's Mary-go-round-me.

The storm of your words wind slap me
and the sad cheek goes red,
seeking harborage underground, rooted.

Then my voices rise like ivy vines, royal,
beckoning you to hear the rain and sun drops in them.
Heed them in my palace, divided.

Listen to this hot phone steam the Lady in Waiting.

Laurie,

You painted a vivid picture with this pointed poem.

I like descriptive the 1st & 2nd lines of the 1st verse:

What ceremony of slighted sentences
keeps us alive like some ripe sludge;

Some ceremonious life with words making one feel like sewer.

The storm of your words wind slap me
and the sad cheek goes red,
seeking harborage underground, rooted.

What a way to describe words that were exchanged. Stormy, windy, and feeling like someone has slapped the life from you with words, only words....

Then my voices rise like ivy vines, royal,
beckoning you to hear the rain and sun drops in them.
Heed them in my palace, divided.

Daring him to hear you, listen, since you raise your voice. After all, it is your palace.
Good imagery. I like it.

I agree with Nellie vary good imagery (Listen to this hot phone steam a Lady in Waiting.) lol perfect view of an angry women! brilliant work here, keep it up!

Thanks, Cindy. You pointed to the first two lines. Glad for that because I can elaborate a bit.

"What ceremony of slighted sentences,
keeps us alive like some ripe sludge;"

So many relationships thrive on tumult. It keeps the persons "alive", as one would feel alive if stung. But this kind "aliveness" is false, ugly like "ripe sludge". So many need the piercing battle. Yes. In the end, the persons feel like sewage.

someone has slapped the life from you with words, only words....

Ah, only words! Words are the weapon that kill. You can never take them back. They are the blood which you can never wash off.

After all, it is your palace

Hell, Yeh! But it's also a metaphor for the mind and one divided i.e. complex.

Always have fun with imagery and am pleased you took to it. Thanks for taking the time to explore.

Thank you, Chief. Glad you liked my last line. Always try to end with a whopper. Shake the reader up.

The last line is a double entandre. Meant to be taken two ways, double meanings. Yes, an angry woman who's "steaming at the man" in her life. It could also be interpreted as she "being steamed with words" by him. She could be sweating it out. The whole heated discourse.

And the "Lady in Waiting". Waiting for the acknowlegment of being heard or waiting for love. Note: While she's in the present, he's in the past, cradling a ghost of a woman I refer to as Mary.

And I sure will keep at it! I can't imagine my life, wordless of thoughts, feelings.

Let's try this again, lost my first reply when I hit submit, grrrrr. I've already given you my generalized two cents on this, now I'll elaborate. I see you've edited since my initial read. Here goes:

What ceremony of slighted sentences,
keeps us alive like some ripe sludge; (This I can relate to far too well, the adrenaline of anger mistaken for life, in the end only sludge remains)
slippery, for an insect’s sweet pillow? (Love this, both the image and alliteration)

May mayhem cares not for mending. (Again, love the alliteration)
god moths feed on my pinned butterfly heart (Vivid image and very clever)
while you cradle the ghost of a June bug. (excellent inclusion in ghost, clears up the past problem nicely)
Last summer's Mary-go-round-me. (This is new, and very clever)

The storm of your words wind slap me (Another striking image, teehee, get it? Bruises heal, word wounds fester)
and the sad cheek goes red, (Love the use of red here, anger, embarrassment and actual slaps all cause blushes)
seeking harborage underground, rooted. (hide, hang onto what you know is safe while remaining firm, not exactly what I want to say, but it'll do)

Then my voices rise like ivy vines, royal, (Fabulous image)
beckoning you to hear the rain and sun drops in them. (Love the contrast of rain/sun, moodiness + differing viewpoints)
Heed them in my palace, divided. (LOVE THIS and you know why, torn in so many directions)

Listen to this hot phone steam a Lady in Waiting. (This is new and brilliant)


So there you have it. Now refute every last thing I said contrary Miss, just kidding, lol. I have the backstory, am privy to every nuance. Excellent, Law, just enough without giving it all away.

My dear friend, WOW! You covered the all. And thanks for re-capturing that which was lost. Damn! I hate when that happens. But sometimes one makes better than the lost and I imagine you've done that here. Again, I believe review is an art in itself and your feedback is an example of that. Here I am, reviewing the reviewer. Just want to show my appreciation of your brilliant takes.

Last summer's Mary-go-round-me

Remember Haro, my mentor behind the scenes? I would say some of his work rubbed off on me as this is certainly a "Haroizm". I must send this to him. Though he'll likely re-arrange stanzas for me as he always does!

keeps us alive like some ripe sludge; (This I can relate to far too well, the adrenaline of anger mistaken for life

Isn't this the truth! The adrenaline high anger provokes. Like being on a roller coaster ride. The heart left at the apex.

Heed them in my palace, divided. (LOVE THIS and you know why, torn in so many directions)

I do know and it's amazing that you have time to Moderate and critique. I think your house must shake.

Thank you so much for your very generous words.

@SilverMoon Gotchya! didn't catch the secound meaning first time 'round, but after re-reading and your insight I see it perfectly, and sorry if my previous comment left a sorta sexist vibe, meant only as a joke, hehe i live with three sisters and meh mom, so i have been taught to understand woman are if anything more capable then men lol. back on topic!, I still love the poem its an excellent piece, and with your insight I like it even better

Hey, there. Your former comment left no sexist vibe. I'm glad I can flesh out the poem for you a bit more. Thanks for appreciating ever more. Laurie