Thread: A Caffeine Romance

A Caffeine Romance

Love begins to grow
with the impact of novelty
—a collision,
silent and one sided:

peering eyes hide behind
stranger’s conversations
and the invisible shields
of coffee’s steam;

the familiar smell stamps a memory
and I begin to think of her
lightly—as a reoccurring thought,
seasoned more with simple interest

than the developing lust
that follows; like addiction
to the bitter taste
that signifies caffeine in coffee
—I fought the flavor at first.

That smell—a trigger back to her face.
The thin lips and stressed eyes
that first brought my neck’s
survey to rest anchored me
and then I noticed the brown
ring around her pupils;

I’d like to dissect every
obscure thought that’s ever
trapped my mind
and end the anxious feelings
of peace that only seem
to come plastered
in a daydream's atrophied truth.

But knowing the science
behind every muscle’s motive
murders mystery.

And as ignorant as I am,
I know that I can’t
be every pretty girl’s
favorite stranger and I’ll never see
an angel until I die—
and even then, in death,
why would such a beauty exist?

Why can’t it all be a dream,
lucid and malleable as gold
or skin once fed or starved?
Then I could fix her tired eyes;
because I’d have enough sleep to spare.

As my friends and I often say, "I hart coffee". I supposed that means I am biased. Oh well, here are my favorite bits:

Loved this:

But knowing the science
behind every muscle’s motive
murders mystery.

Great alliteration! So true too.

—I fought the flavor at first.

Perfect line here. The next stanza flows so well from "at first". I know this is probably a cliche construction, but would a comman after flavor work here?

in a daydream's atrophied truth.

You will find I'm a big fan of contrast. Excellent one here. This really serves to clarify the dream/reality contrast.

I know that I can’t
be every pretty girl’s
favorite stranger

Why would you ruin that for me! Hopes dashed.... Here's a six word story for you:

Crush
my heart falls
to pieces

Overall, I really enjoyed this SvirVolgate. You were quite true to your title, bringing together caffeine and romance in a unique way. You last stanza was a great ending to a nice read. Thanks for posting.

Dear Svir, I'm feeling very romantic sitting here with my morning coffee. The familiar smell stamps a memory of the last time I shared coffee with the man in my life!

Like Flapjack, I loved: (and you do have a great alliteration going on here)

But knowing the science
behind every muscle’s motive
murders mystery.

In just six words you described the plight. Isn't is scarey when at first we're overwhelmed, wondering just how much we should invest in the other person? So well, you got this across!

I fought the flavor at first.

My one nit. I don't see gold as being lucid or malleable. Please don't mind if I example what I might do with this. Just an idea to play with.

Why can’t it all be a dream,
lucid and malleable as gold

OK

Why can't it be a dream
of a lucid crystal ball
where our love bends
like clay; bending, bowing
with each kiss.

This is the dearest and we all know how important endings are:

Then I could fix her tired eyes;
because I’d have enough sleep to spare.

Now, I'm going to take some more sips of coffee and dream on. Thank you, Svir, for writing a poem which I can identify with. Laurie

I always know when I click on one of your pieces that I'm going to enjoy a new perspective on something. You didn't disappoint here. Some wonderful lines and alliterations which have been pointed out by the others, so I'll just say that I really enjoyed this one Svir.

I'm not much of a coffee guy, but this sure makes me wish I was hehe. vary nice piece you have here keep up the good work !

First, I'm very partial to all of your stuff, Svir, and this is no exception. Second, I hate you for using coffee, I haven't had a cup in almost four years, but I love you for using the sense of smell. Ah, the memories it triggers. This piece is wonderful, have to echo Flap and Laurie regarding:

But knowing the science
behind every muscle’s motive
murders mystery.


Brilliant, both alliteration and meaning, it goes into the wish I woulda wrote it file. Loved "in a daydream's atrophied truth" also, stellar line and oh so honest. What a lovely and perfect final two lines. That first stanza ain't too shabby either, lol, seriously, it was a great way to open. My only nit was in S5, I believe anchored me should have commas on both sides, it reads awkwardly without them causing a unwelcome pause. Spectacular effort, love, and much enjoyed.

Best,
Lisa

thank you all so much