Thread: Goodbye and Farwell

When she came to be near deaths door
I was summoned to attend her farewells.

I remembered that day, the brink of dawn
When I first caught glimpse of her radiant beauty;
My heart ached, my brain dithered,
A thought to mind: would she notice?

The days passed while the dogs barked,
The trees swayed while the grass danced,
With a gather of courage at my salvation
I plucked the question I dare not ask,
And startling me was but yes.

We spent our first days in lovers’ birth,
We spent our first weeks in lovers delight;
We spent our last years in lovers’ quarrel,
We spent our last moments in lovers’ wisdom.

Change was due, as was solstice
Winter came while summer went,
At a fire, near a lake, hid the silvery moon
Under grasp in tree sinew,
A moan, a scream, a sigh:
The birth of that neonate.

Death would follow as I watched,
That which I dare not question
Have answers which deceive logic;
I’m saddened, I’m sad,
I’m hollow, I’m meek,
My dear you are gone.

Never again will there be ever,
Forever will there be no one at my side,
No brink of happiness,
No burst of joy;
The point of life seems but redundant,
And so off the shaded sun must set.

Vaioth, a very sad and tender poem. It reached me deeply and this means you've written a fine poem.

We spent our first days in lovers’ birth,
We spent our first weeks in lovers delight;
We spent our last years in lovers’ quarrel,
We spent our last moments in lovers’ wisdom

This is spectacular and so true to a lover's life. Such a truth in the highlighted!

Please bring us more! Laurie

To tell you how your poem made me feel-I will have to Quote a Great writer...

I'm saddened ,I'm sad
I'm hollow ,I'm meek... That is how your poem left me . Thank you.Jul

Wow, just wow.

You left everything on the page with this one. There is really no need to review this one at all.

It's an absolute startling piece of poetry, very heartfelt and very real.

I agree, I read last night and was very moved. Excellent piece. Content wise, no nits at all, a few technical suggestions, however. First, the caps every line are very distracting, especially in a piece of this nature. Use them only at the beginning of sentences. S1, L1, deaths should be the possessive death's, S4, L2, you missed the apostrophe after lovers', S5,"At a fire" seems awkward to me, and probably only me, at first I thought as a fire, but it may just be a matter of comma placement in that line, or perhaps I'm out of my mind, which is a definite possibility. Hauntingly beautiful in its terrible sadness, hard to achieve such a balance. Kudos, Vasioth and it is with great pleasure I welcome you aboard.

Best,
Lisa

Very lovely and heartfelt, has an old world feel about it that is very appealing too.

Thank you, I'm rather happy that you's took the time out of your life to read it. Thanks for the pointing out things, too, Chester. Actually funny you say that, in my original draft that line read as "Near a fire, at a lake" as opposed to "At a fire, near a lake", and I came back to that line and kept staring at it, going "Does this flow better, or does this?". However, I liked it more when I read it in my head the second way.

I will try to get out of the habit of initializing caps at the beginning of every line - I'm quite used to doing it that way because a lot of the poets I read and love do it for a lot of their poems, plus it seems more right to me for some reason. But I know what you mean, it can get tedious if it's not a strong subject matter or an introduction to something new within the poem or line of thought itself.

Thank you all very much ^^