Thread: Silence

new lyrics/poem

Silence wrings its nervous hands
around each breath and heartbeat
twisting meaning out of hesitations,
confessions out of rustling sleeves.

how did it come to this, my dear?
lashing our tongues with switches
pulled from all the years
rooted deep beneath yellowed bruises.

just speak to me, please.

Silence paints our veneer bitter
until we are too old
to feel or to care
if we are drowsy in the cold.

where are we, my love. are we lost?
I only see raindrenched leaves
slipping off water like a summer dress
drenching us beneath a passing breeze

just speak to me, please.

very nice - your words are very effective in portraying the silence between two people (in my mind they were once passionately in love, now they are just two cold peas in a cold pod

I especially like the last set of verses about the "raindrenched leaves slipping off water like a summer dress..." so fitting and embodies the sadness of the piece

---todd

Hinucow, It's amazing to me how such new talent has come to Poetry. A love poem like I've never read before here. All the wonderful imagery and then a startling "just speak to me please"

Silence wrings its nervous hands

A suiting beginning for this poem and yet another engaging onomonopeia from a new commer!

Silence paints our veneer bitter

Somehow, "veneer" doesn't work for me. The first thought that came to mind was someone painting veneer on furniture. I would suggest using a different noun though I have no suggestions at this time.

This happens to be my favorite:

slipping off water like a summer dress

A great similie, startingly unique. You've wisely avoided any cliche in this poem.

I look forward to reading your next! Laurie

This is simply grand, Hinducow. I have to echo Laurie's sentiments regarding the lines she cited, all work superbly and "slipping off water like a summer dress" is to die for. Originality at its best. You didn't bog it down with a lot of unnecessary filler, you made your point succinctly and made it well. I adore S2 in its entirety, again, very original. Enjoyed this excellent piece tremendously.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you all for your input!
I guess I sacrificed clarity for internal rhyme in the "veneer" line.
Looking into it.