Thread: The Help Helps Herself

Unkept promises
peppered
with not so tiny white lies,
a broken heart attack
is lurking,
it's arrival, a sure surprise.
Only when the fridge
goes anorexic
will they notice
that I've died.

Assembly line hands
fold laundry,
scrub pot and pans,
iron, scour, sweep
(it's my job
to keep the keep)
while they text as they eat
lavishly prepared meals,
but no one takes the time
to clickety clack then send
to inquire how I feel.

Crusty vocal chords
can't croak
a thank you from bowed heads;
look away for a sec,
and someone's status
may say
"in bed".

Keystrokes stoke
my neuron inferno
as my ears pile on the wood
'cause YouTube is all good.
Remember conversation,
or is Alzheimer's
my consternation?

Alone in a house of droids
that miss the bowl
when they void
for their eyes are glued to a screen
and it's the handmaiden's
mess to clean.

Dumbstruck by drums;
Rock Band should come with rum
to keep beaten help numb and mum.
It ain't no joke
that each stroke's a poke
prodding cranky Old School folk.
Ear buds and ripped duds,
fifteen freaking pierced studs
all banded together
drawing first blood.

If it's war they want,
it's war they'll get.
The maid's on strike
and is taking a hike
on a little vacation,
Bellevue's fine
this time of year
as per their public relations.

Holiday, here I come
well equipped with rum,
I'm sure I'll have a ball
padded walls and all.
The battle has begun
'cause sans the maid
their pad can't run.

I wonder who'll visit first
on bended knees
begging please.
Elective deafness
is a blessing;
Lady Lisa
laid down her apron
and is duly
done messin'.

the first two stanza's have really great imagery in them:


'Only when the fridge
goes anorexic
will they notice
that I've died.'

funny in a tragic sort of way, for them to notice an inanimate piece of white goods going 'anorexic'; to portray the fridge as human and you very cleverly twist this then in the second stanza by portraying the feeling of yourself as being nothing more than a machine: 'assembly line hands'.

the frustration really comes through also in the stanzas:

'Keystrokes stoke
my neuron inferno
as my ears pile on the wood
'cause YouTube is all good.
Remember conversation?
Or is Alzheimer's
my consternation?

Alone in a house of droids
that miss the bowl
when they void
for their eyes are glued to a screen
and it's the handmaiden's
mess to clean.'

and it just reminds me of 'welcome to the machine' (Pink Floyd).

A really enjoyable read Lisa.

Patricia

I want so bad to offer up some constructive comments. No such luck . This was fantastic! Very enjoyable read. Loved the social commentary. The subjects reliance on others, machines and entertainment and sure failure without them, and the downtrodden servant all came off perfectly. I must say that my favorite part was

"The battle has begun
'cause sans the maid
their pad can't run."

The humor here and throughout was perfect. I didn't notice this post until after I posted my "I take the white pill, everyone else takes the green". We had a couple slightly similiar themes coincidentally enough. (Although your execution was infinitely superior, as I would expect).

I also thoroughly enjoyed the alliterations:

"Crusty vocal chords
can't croak"

You chose the perfect sound here. Just fantastic.

All in all I loved it.

I can only echo what's been said already, Lisa. Redundent, I know. I love the title, perfect! I think a lot of mom's could print this little gem out and stick it up on the wall or fridge, you've expressed a frustration felt by so many and done it so well kudo's.

Lisa, so much colour.

And what a way to describe the solitary feeling of being a wife, mother getting no credit for hard work. And the "fridge goes anorexic" One of the best anthropormorphisms I've read in a long, long time!

Only when the fridge
goes anorexic
will they notice
that I've died.

Lisa...brilliance!

The maid's on strike
and is taking a hike
on a little vacation,
Bellevue's fine
this time of year
as per their public relations.

You had me laughing my a** off! One your best I think.

Lady Lisa
laid down her apron
and is duly
done messin'.

The final, with great alliteration and two questions. Where shall we bury that apron? And who in the family will first dig it up, peading with you?

As always, superlative work!!!

I really liked this. Such a fun piece (though I'm quite sure it's frustrating for you). Ha, ha. This, I feel like I relate to. Not because my six month old is leaving messes everywhere, but because my boyfriend does this. He's consumed with technology and all and leaves s*** everywhere (for lack of a better word), so sometimes I feel like I'm his mother. I don't really have an constructive criticism for this just because it really hits home for me.

I loved the "Rock Band should come with rum" line.

Thanks for this.

"with not so tiny white lies,
a broken heart attack" - Really feels like there is a line or two missing between these two. The transition bothers me.

"Only when the fridge
goes anorexic
will they notice
that I've died." - A clever bit of writing here.

"Assembly line hands
fold laundry,
scrub pot and pans,
iron, scour, sweep
(it's my job
to keep the keep)
while they text as they eat
lavishly prepared meals,
but no one takes the time
to clickety clack then send
to inquire how I feel." - I was going to single out a few lines from this stanza, but as it turns out I loved all of it. A perfect stanza? How rare. And a delight.

"look away for a sec,
and someone's status
may say
"in bed"." - I read this stanza many times because something about it sounded peculiar. Well it's this half of it. Every time I read it this part always caused me to read it hastily.

"as my ears pile on the wood
'cause YouTube is all good." - A friendly ick. It makes me laugh, but these two lines, ehh.

"Remember conversation?
Or is Alzheimer's
my consternation?" - I think you can lose the first question mark.

"and it's the handmaiden's" - Love the use of "handmaiden". Then again I love the word maiden. How come that word isn't used anymore?

"to keep beaten help numb and mum." - Honestly, I didn't care for this line.

"ain't" - Can't stand this word.

"It ain't no joke
that each stroke's a poke
prodding cranky Old School folk.
Ear buds and ripped duds,
fifteen freaking pierced studs
all banded together
drawing first blood." - Amazing.

"The maid's on strike
and is taking a hike
on a little vacation,
Bellevue's fine
this time of year
as per their public relations." - Maybe it is just me, but the rhythm here feels a bit off.

"I'm sure I'll have a ball
padded walls and all." - Really. I haven't read a poem where I had so many good things to say in such a long time. Don't you dare think I'm groveling either. Thus far the poem has been amazing.

"their pad can't run." - This line sounds a bit to hip for me.

"I wonder who'll visit first
on bended knees
begging please.
Elective deafness
is a blessing;
Lady Lisa
laid down her apron
and is duly" - You have my undivided attention.

"done messin'." - Almost. I think you can make a better ending line than this.

I really don't like it when I shower so much praise. This poem is wondrous. There are parts you can work on, the ending perhaps, but it really is poetry. I read many times.

Sorry guys, sharing this computer has me so far behind on all my stuff.

Dear Patricia, Love the association you made with the fridge/assembly line, I didn't even realize I'd done so until I was doing the fine tuning. So glad you noticed. And sad it is, indeed. As fierce frustration peppered with more than a little anger was my inspiration, I'm glad it came through. Not familiar with the song, will gets my hands on it, though. Elated you enjoyed, love.


Dear Flapjack, Cheeks to rival Santa's here, thank you ever so much, you are far too generous. Your favorite stanza was a pain in my butt, changed it countless times. I'm so happy the humor works, I rely heavily on poking fun at what disturbs me in order to remain out of jail for murder. It's good to see other people "get me". Thank you for mentioning the vocal chord lines, I am very fond of those, initially it was rusty vocal chords, then I decided crusty was even better, glad it worked so well for you. Thrilled you enjoyed, truly.


Dear Cin, Thank you, that you think it could be universally accepted by Moms means a lot. As for the title, that was a gift from somewhere, *looks heavenward with a wink*. I didn't know what to call it, the lack of title actually held up the posting, then out of nowhere, click, and I liked it, happy you do, too.


Dear Law, I really thought everyone would balk at anorexic, another gift from above, changed the darn thing five times before I settled, then I thought I had made the wrong decision. I figured the Bellevue thing would get you going. lol. Never wear an apron, and I have the stained shirts to prove it, it's the uniform of the damned. After contemplating your second question, I'd have to say Little David would be first to coming running, he forgets about pride when his tummy rumbles. lol


Dear Angel, I am very pleased that you could relate because you are younger and I wanted my own kids to be able to embrace this. Maybe they'd change their evil ways, yeah right,lol. Best condition your boyfriend now before he gets too set in his ways, then you're doomed for life, lol. Rock Band should come with rum, really, I play, I stink, maybe the rum would help. I couldn't get the single red drum right for Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, I'm still the butt of jokes a year later. I'm not as grumpy as I come across, YouTube's okay, as is some cute blogger, I forget his name, Dance Central is fun also, love Poker Face, but the texting drives me mad. I refuse to get a cell, I rarely go out but when I do I'm of the mind that if I'm not home I don't wanna talk to you anyway. In that respect, I'm still in the stone age. Glad you enjoyed, hon.


Dear Whit, Good to have you back, sir. I agree that the transition is S1 is sloppy, but I wrote this in a snit, in fact, I was so angry they were afraid to peek their heads in my room. One tried and I literally growled "I'm writing, GET OUT!". A broken promised followed by a lie set me off, the first stanza is indicative of my rapid response, meaningful for me, crap for a reader. I've tried to think of something decent to sandwich in there but nothing has clicked yet. Glad you liked anorexic, too.

Perfect stanza, from you? *sweeping bow* indebted to you forever for that one, love. The facebook reference isn't exactly what I wanted, it gave me a lot of trouble until I finally settled unsatisfied. But that you read hastily was my desired effect. They refuse to look away for a sec, so when they do I have to rush to get a word in, if that makes any sense. I agree the Youtube lines are eeh, I broke my own rule and posted this without refining for a few days, I wanted the sweet taste of revenge on my tongue immediately. Therefore, parts are weaker than I'd like, it fit well enough in a pinch. Will edit out the first question mark when I'm done here. I was worried about handmaiden, glad it worked for you, it isn't used because it's antiquated which equals the plague in this day and age. Hate the numb/mum line myself, rearranged quite a few times, am not happy with it, perhaps next time I'm fuming, something will click to replace it with. Such a harsh taskmaster be ye, I very rarely use ain't and only did so because I was stooping to their level, speaking on their terms in the hopes of being heard. The stanza you found amazing is my favorite. Rhythm is off in the public relations line, but again, revenge took precedence. I'm elated you had so many good things to say, truly made my day. I thought pad might be iffy also, but it kind of went with the padded walls and I was also taking a hidden snipe at Ipads. Aw, Whit, I like messin' it's what I say when I'm angry, poetically, it's a flop, and I knew it, but personally it was spot on. I am honored to be rained on by you. Eventually, I will edit, I like this too much to leave it weak in spots. And Whit, thank you, "this really is poetry" is the most glorious compliment I've ever received.

Thanks guys for sharing your eyes and your precious time.

All my best,
Lisa

OH---I am soooo there! Jeeeezzzz! I get out of bed sick[husband must have icecream--he is sick also-more than me]go to Krogers --get icecream and "stuff"get back in truck-realize I left the icecream at checkout--well --I fell going back into Kroger's [and it hurt like hell]---while I am gone ,repair man comes and goes-because no one answered the door...
Your poem could have only been given birth to by a woman[I said WOMAN]pushed waaaay beyond what anyone should have to endure. So scathingly hilarious , that I don't mind that I tore my favorite jeans when I fell...2nd stanza--to die for! OH --you are Good--very good! my--what a day---but it is better now....peace...Jul

After a day like that, Jul love, you are certainly a courageous lady to brave the graveyard and dig this up, for which I thank you profusely. I kinda like this one, okay, who am I kidding, I love this rant. Your days sounds like my life, and if this made you feel any better, then it's worth a great deal more to me now. Hope you rescheduled the repairman (no one answers the door nor the house phone here but me, and they're home, grrr), sewed up the jeans, and used to ice cream to numb any wounds. Ain't it funny that even when you're sick, you're never quite as sick as they are, even when you're in hospital hooked up to multiple machines? Take out the IV and fix me some supper! lol. Thanks again for bringing this back, love, and I hope the day you described covers your quota for the rest of the year.

Warmly,
Lisa

I feel like the only benefit to being a parent is the poetry produced as a result of stress! Haha - I liked this one a lot. You always have such an ear for rhythm and rhyme.

Dear Lisa--I did use the icecream to numb the pain...you are so clever, a pleasure as always....peace...Jul