Thread: Staring at women with intent

I was looking at the lamp
noticing
a fair amount of dust
I was going to clean it
but my thoughts stumbled
and fell flat on their ass
when I heard the knock
at the door

there she was
bottle of wine in hand
hugged me
kissed me
a peck on the cheek
she frowned
told me I should shave
the stubble annoys her.
I nod.

We sit
pouring the wine
she hands me a full glass
as we both notice
sirens
from the sound
about three blocks away
she rolls here eyes
told me I should move.
I drink my first glass feverishly
handing me another a drink
I glance into her eyes
a mistake.
They seemed
a whirlwind of calamity
and I then knew
she had come over
not to pour just wine.
So I move to my favorite window
prepare myself for the dreary idealism
of a broken heart.
The dying rabbit of good conversation.

As she talks
I notice a blonde parading
down the sidewalk
her hair was long
and wavy.
She had a lean form
with which she wore clothing
that seemed as if it were poured on
having the gift
I could tell
she was a tad bit too headstrong for me
even though,
I was in a relationship
for the next for the next fifty three seconds
until she was out of sight
I’ll remember to have naughty thoughts
about her later.

Pouring more wine
I spot another one
she wore glasses and was walking a dog
a bit older
but tall
something I always appreciated with the
weaker sex,
I raise my glass to the dog
for he gets to nuzzle her places
I’ll never know.

Seemingly out of nowhere
Ms. Kirby begins to slink by
slowly.
It was then I heard
“Are you listening?”
Yes I reply.
“Well I said you remind me of that guy
from Wuthering Heights, what was his name?”
Heathcliff I say.
“Was it?”
I stare.
“Anyway.”

Luckily
Ms. Kirby was still meandering about
outside my window
she was one of those women
that still wore dresses
and I love that.
Today was a cleavage day for her
which was great for the rest of use
being that she quite possibly had
the most remarkable breasts in the country
midway through that thought
she looks at me
and waves
thus starting the fire.

Looking back at my guest
waiting til we make eye contact
I lunge at her
we don’t even make to the bedroom.

At first
we rolled around a bit
pulling her close
she bites me
and I think I see a spatter
of blood
though she moves and I
couldn’t focus.
Like a real struggle
we fight for position
a breast here
a handful of hair there
yet maintaining the rhythm.
for a flash
I am startled
by the solace I feel
as I grab the back
of her head
pull her down to me
and kiss her,
maybe truly.
Remembering once
I might have loved
fortunately
moments, like orgasms, pass quickly.

I then get up
made two sandwiches
and we both ate.
She then got dressed, walked over
gave me another peck
said, “See you next week.”
and left.

I went back
to sitting and staring at that lamp,
maybe I’ll clean it next week
my mind made up to go to bed.

I lie there and muse,
she was nice
but that wine was the best I ever had.

"prepare myself for the dreary idealism
of a broken heart."

I know how that feels my man.

Fantastic piece, clever and very funny in places.

"I was in a relationship
for the next for the next fifty three seconds
until she was out of sight
I’ll remember to have naughty thoughts
about her later."

I mean, this is heartbreaking but you lighten it brilliantly, I admire that.

I enjoyed this immesnely, great work.

I enjoyed the wordplay here, some very clever lines. This one left me feeling a bit lonely, heartbroken, isolated and longing for something 'more'.

Weaker sex? You, sir, are an unrepentant inciter, indeed, but I've decided to leave it be, at least for now. lol. Great to read you again, Whit, I've deeply missed your unique style. As with all your work, I thoroughly enjoyed this. I have an issue with the punctuation, as is, it's a heavily punctuated piece, but there are still missing commas (your usage is a bit erratic) which make for a bit of confusion. There would be so many, abandoning all punctuation would probably be wiser, but then the dialog would present a problem. Best thing to do, as you've done, is to use your enjambment in lieu of some, which you've done in a number of places.

as we both notice
sirens,
from the sound,
about three blocks away,
she rolls here eyes (typo in her, extra e)


Notice I've added the commas for as is, it is awkward. Another option would be to reword it something like:

we both notice
sirens sound
about three blocks away (even about could be nixed)

which would eliminate the need for those commas. There are a few instances like this, I'll try to point out what I can, but my time is a bit short. In this line (S3) "handing me another a drink", either a or another should be nixed. This I love:

So I move to my favorite window
prepare myself for the dreary idealism
of a broken heart.
The dying rabbit of good conversation.

In S4, this line: down the sidewalk should have a comma after it, but the break itself works sufficiently as a pause IMO. Some goes for: "that seemed if it were poured on" (loved this, too) but again the break is sufficient pause. Honestly, love, to properly punctuate this piece would require a helluva lot of commas, which I think would weigh it down. You have to find a happy balance using both commas and breaks to accomplish a smoother read. I stumbled here: "for he gets to nuzzle her places I’ll never know." I think nuzzle her in places would work better, but that's just me. S7, L3, is unnecessary, it's already implied. Typo in "which was great for the rest of use", should be us. In S8, til should be 'til or till. In S9, cap missing in For a flash. I have to find a better way to do this, I've probably driven you mad.

Love it, Whit, true you and truly enjoyed. Sad you enjoyed the wine better than your friend with benefits, which seems to be the case, "see you next week", you clever beast.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you for the reviews. I'm not sure what is heart breaking about this. Then again, it is all about how you feel when you read it, and I do thank you for reading.

I know, punctuation. I have never been sure exactly how to use punctuation properly. I put it in as I see fit. It is evident that I don't know what I am doing. Thankfully I am no where near being published so I don't currently have to learn.

I am glad you enjoyed this poem, that is if you enjoyed it. If you didn't, oh well.

Oh glamorous misogyny..! I enjoyed this; am I a misogynist or just wanting of some nice wine?