Thread: Wind and Willow Trees

Let’s go to a place of wind and willow trees,
a shaded sun and gentle breeze, to feel as one
the cool caress that May might lend our day and see
a thousand shimmering sparkles of our own sea.
The never-dissipating wave we ride imbues
an endless room with colouring of green and blue - euphoric hues,


where we alone say a serious thing or two, and
clutch and kiss as lovers do; there we stand, we have
that twinkling light – shining always - in eyes and hearts and hands.
The moment won’t escape our fingers; we pinch the sands
in the hourglass, make them freeze, squeeze them out and sow
the seeds of time together spent, and so we own


the warmth of your heart and mine that swims round and round,
an alchemical concoction of priceless elements.
A fluttering future lifts us off of solid ground,
and as all our brilliant stars become aligned
a long-clutched breath of anticipated hope
guides us now through the light leaves and knotted ropes




This piece perhaps suffers because I like to write following a structure so I make them up as I go along; I've reorganized it a few times but I'm sure adjustments can be made to improve it. The three stanzas should read in slightly different tones since they are each a reflection of different times in a relationship, even though the poem as a whole is all about a singular moment. anyway enjoy - Ian

I like how each of the three stanzas do indeed have a different tone: first is more about the setting, then the second moves into the intimacy between the lovers, and the third is a send-off of sorts to a future life together -

"alchemical" is a nice word choice (never heard that use, but its meaning is clear here)

several good alliterations here, "fluttering future", "light leaves", and of course "wind and willow"
some of the pacing and rhythm could be tightened up a bit (line 6 seems too long, for instance), but overall, nice work!

---todd

(oh, minor thing really, but the font was a bit small - made it somewhat hard to read at first)

-Toddm

Thanks alot for the positive feedback. Sorry about the font I'll make sure to fix up the formatting next time I post something.

About the pacing and line length you are totally right, I'll keep toying with it and keep my syllable count a little lower.

-Ian

Hi Ian

Personally, I loved this. The tone and the style made it an enjoyable read and it flowed very well.

Nice one.

Ryan

An overall beautiful feeling of love and hope comes through clearly here. Very romantic. I think that it still needs that tinkering about with, as you stated, but it's still good.