Thread: No Broken Rainbows

No Broken Rainbows

Steel voices worm over my neck
in vicious melodies. Sawing violins.
Hands, reeds, clamping, bruising,
dividing my skin. Me. Excavated.
The blade, his fists have it, and
the sharp scintillation scrapes murk.
My chest is battered from the inside.
Breathe for me. Bend over for me.

His timbre, deadly filth, snakes
into my veins; I am anesthetized.
Colors bind together in woven bands
beneath sealed eyelids, raining into
an empty canvas, where there are
no broken rainbows. I am immaculate.

But there is a dirty floor.
My only lover. My other shelter.
Now that calloused fingertips
have painted my back in scarlet
threads, I melt into the wood.
Breathe. Bleed. Breathe.

I close my eyes again.

You, my friend, are truly gifted. There is absolutely nothing I can say about this poem besides that it is utterly immaculate. The ending took my breath away.

Wow. Thanks. I really appreciate it.

Welcome back, Angel, it's been too long a while. Love, love, love this. Darkness at its best. "Sawing violins" is superb in its placement and usage. In fact, the entire piece is extremely well constructed and the imagery is almost too much to bear, yet it's impossible to tear one's eyes away. Evocative to the point of being uncomfortable, in other words, exceptionally well done. I feel the strings that are my nervous system have been overtaxed by a vicious bow, which, I believe is exactly what you were aiming for. Bravo!

Best,
Lisa

Thanks. I'm glad to be back. I wasn't writing anything the entire time I was gone. It was one massive hiatus. But I had a baby in the meantime, and he's the best. But now I enjoy taking some "me time" to actually get some writing done.

Congratulations, love! Babies are such a blessing. Best of luck and God keep you both. Enjoy that me time because of I enjoy its fruits, besides, it'll be short lived, the terrible twos will be upon you before you know it. You be too busy doing this to get any writing done.

This piece flows frighteningly well, into a violent and dark place - like tumbling into some tangled nightmare pit full of snakes and ravenous violins and disembodied hands bearing razor blades, after falling asleep on a hard floor - Brilliant writing!

---todd

congrats also on the baby!

Angel, I'm appauled with myself! How could I have missed this dark journey of yours. The eyes of the Mistress of Gloom were glued to each word, words, lines. Your imagery comes out from some dark cave inhabiting all it's nasty creatures. This means I love this piece, you digging in deep like some determinded archiologist. Yes...

Me. Excavated

My chest is battered from the inside.
Breathe for me. Bend over for me.

I think this gem would be more impactful if you leave out "Bend for me."
"Breath for me." on it's own line would be nearly chilling.

But there is a dirty floor.
My only lover.

A like that you broke a rule here. Normally, there would be a comma after floor. But "My only lover" on it's own made me sit up. There should be no flow here as I see it. Very well done!

Of course, I felt right at home reading this piece. Have a feeling your little one might have inherited your creative gene! Laurie

Very strong images here, Angel. You caught the feeling perfectly and fired the imagination to paint a terrible story, that you just had to see through to the end.

Congratulations on the baby, motherhood is a busy, wonderful time.

Thanks guys! It's funny. Everyone's finding this one now, and yet I only got one review on my favorite piece. And I'm like.... Noooooooo! Ha, ha.

Laurie: Thanks for your review. But I will say that because this piece is actually about rape, I feel like the "bend over for me" line needs to be there. Maybe if I separated them differently?

Wow beautiful poem ! I can see why it was brought back up hehe. and witch one was your favorite piece?

Ha, ha. The first one I posted after I came back. Bioluminescence. Probably because it's a personal one to me, and everytime I look at it I think of the moment it was based on. It's something I like to relive.

I understand, the poems based on moments you want to remember for as long as you live are the best ones to have , unfortunately I haven't had something so beautiful as that inspire a poem quiet yet, but I still have time hehe. I read it and I see why you claim it as your favorite . keep up the good work!

I love the rhythm of this piece