Thread: Exist

Exist

Why do we exist?
God says, I made you exist
But I say on to god, who made you exist?

I went to an atheist
The atheist says, we exist to exist
What a waits us is blackness and only blackness
But if that was the case why do we even exist at all?

Are we here to exist for the sake of existing?
Or are we here to exist to serve something or someone?
It drives me mad, why does anything exist?
And why is the colour of nothingness black, shouldn’t be noting?
Hell, why does nothingness even exist?


But I guess I will find out when I am dead

you are quite the existentialist - and it is commendable to struggle with these questions - many people just ignore them

As far as the poem, it seems honestly to be more a listing of philosophical musings than poetic passion - bring in some imagery, nature, some human elements, maybe the writer staring down at his hands or up at the stars, something tangible to spark all this deep brooding - perhaps give it a little more structure and flowing rhythm too, that's just me

---todd

I agree. This doesn't read like much of a poem at all to me. It feels like you wrote out a bunch of questions, then placed them in lines in order to make it a poem. But the questions you're asking could form some good ideas for a poem. As a personal preference, I really don't like questions in poetry. Occasionally, they're an effective tool, but not when they're overdone like this.

My suggestion is this: Take out all the questions and concentrate on the concepts here. As todd said, get some imagery and other poetic devices. Play with structure. I think you could make this into something really cool.

Keep writing!

Is someone having an existential crisis? I've had a few myself, LOL. I can't really add too much over todd and angel. You get the idea. Your first and second (or second and third, exist is repeated) stanzas started a nice pattern. I would have liked to see how you dealt with each group that you asked. If I may:

I asked the priest,
and his answer came fast
To love God, my son
But does he love back?

I asked a pastor,
and he condemned my sin
go sing, praise, and preach
for there are souls to win

I asked an agnostic
and with a soft laugh
he looked in my eyes
and asked me right back

I asked an atheist
and his answer was too sad
"Death and nothingness,
is our hope, my lad"

So I asked God,
and his answer I did fear
But nothing was said
I guess he didn't hear

Forgive the mistakes, quality, and shameless rhyming, but you get what I'm saying. Some time spent on those 2 stanzas could become a very nice work. Good Luck!

A belated thought came to mind. When I was in college I was a die hard agnostic. I have no proof that God exists. I have no proof that he does not.

I went to an atheist

You might pose a question to the agnostic.

I do agree that you list a series of questions more than fleshing out a poem with the colour of imagery.

It drives me mad, why does anything exist?

You might add flair with something like this:

It drives me mad like an old woman screaming
in the blackness of the night .
"The sun will never shed light on my nightish questions.
Are the swan's feathers angel wings?
Are they feathers meant to tickle my plea for understanding?"
I wonder if the swan sings knowing death waves will bring heaven?
I wonder if the swan cries when the water is dry, fearing nothingness.
Will it know heaven or will it's beak break, bleed fearing the hell of the black slate?

You can get away with some questions sd the imagery saves them from being
and existential list of questions. Note the similie and the alliteration highlighted. Employ Figures of Speech.

Flapjack gave you an excellent example of a re-structuring. I'm just giving you a rough example of how to use imagery. And it's very rough but I'm sure you get the idea.

You tackled a very difficult subject and I applaud you for that! Not many will tackle it. This poem is good but I would suggest make it shine with a re-write. If you're inclined I would post a re-write. It's certainly worthy of one! Laurie