Thread: Social Climber

Tentative steps, gently sip the bitter
nectar. The child spectator, watching you watching them,
and you remember.
How you looked on in awe; adults gulping down
shots, and pints. Thoughts they didn’t want
brought to mind;
watered down, into glassy eyes,
and saliva. It flies from slurring tongues;
hot rancid fog, breathing secrets.
Come the rising sun they hide, in despise
of their loose tongues.
So you joined in the fun, to disinfect
the sores and burns inside,
you chugged down your pride.
But there’s always somewhere better.

Greenleaf tinged dreams
bring temporary relief from time;
measured in creeping moss. It grasps
worn paths once crossed, for that Sunday fix
of the crucifix;
the wail of hymns, eyes rolling, tongues
lolling; your eyelids drooping. Gravity defied;
heaven spied; God is snooping,
holy rollers caught the wind in their wings,
lapping up the lies.
Regurgitated past; bitter bile,
memories defiled, cancerous minds. Question!
Space, stars or gods? Fraught with answers;
lost, in black-soap smoke rings of thought.
Defrauded, deluded;
some lost in psalms; palms laid down;
foreheads blessed; a Judas kiss.
On sweet musk grass; reminisce.
But there’s always somewhere better.

Into citrus singed,
cirrus wisps, fingertips try to grip ethereal gears;
drive out dark deities; leave behind all fears.
Through smoky glass; inhale deep
to health; once rosy-cheeked, now pale and fading,
powdered noses; white noise invades space in the brain,
some do not speak the same drained. They speak in tongues,
lolling, eyes rolling, lungs failing, the gravy train
derailed. But there’s always somewhere better.


Summer shudders. Sing on high
from the gutter;
cerebral clutter atrophies flash-fried smiles.
Down in the crud, iron stench, anaemic blood,
under gnarled weaves
of itching veins, some never leave. Rooted
to rotting ground, teeth clamped on leather.
Left where they were found,
by spit, and lemon singed syringes;
withered biceps bound.

But there’s always somewhere better …

I'm so confused, why oh why has this no replies? Excellent work, Saucerful, glorious sounds as always. You have such a deft hand using devices subtly, not easy to do. And this line "But there's always somewhere better." is brilliant. Haunting is its accuracy, them folk are always looking for exactly that, which eventually and ironically leads them to nowhere. I tend to be anal about breaks, and would have done some differently myself, but I must admit, your choices worked too well for me to even suggest any modifications. I could cite exceptional lines, but I'd have to quote just about the entire piece. No nits, love, just sheer enjoyment. You grace these boards with your presence and it is with utmost gratitude that I say this. I am absolutely elated you've joined us.

Best,
Lisa

I am really chuffed at your response Lisa, thanks so much!

I must agree with Lisa, very good stuff. Chilling images, Saucerful and so many wonderful lines. Reads like it came straight from your heart and experience and that makes it pack a powerful punch.

I completely echo Chestersdaughter sentiments, couldn't have said it better.

What a fantastic piece.

Excellent work I agree with all of the above hehe keep up the good work!

Wordsmith of the highest rank! Summer shudders, indeed. Brilliant work! Laurie

I agree very much with the others. Beautiful work. But there were two parts I disliked:

Question!
Space, stars or gods? Fraught with answers;

That completely disrupted the flow for me.

And then the ending. But it's really a personal taste thing. I just hate the use of ellipses in poetry altogether.

Originally Posted by A Saucerful of Secrets

Down in the crud, iron stench, anaemic blood,
under gnarled weaves
of itching veins, some never leave. Rooted
to rotting ground, teeth clamped on leather.

Wow! Loved these lines. They stood out to me but the sensory images throughout are AWESOME! I mean that in the traditional meaning of the word, not its overused modern relative. So much to compliment I'm not even sure where to start. Keep posting and I'll keep reading!

Thanks everyone! I am really grateful for your feedback. Sorry haven't replied sooner, just busy working on my final assignment. Will get reading and replying to everybodies work asap.

Patricia