Thread: Now you’re just a picture in my cupboard

Hey all, wasn't entirely sure where to post this so apologies. Any or all feedback is apprieciated. Enjoy my rambling..


Now you're just a picture in my cupboard


In moments very brief
I applaud you
Walking away and sticking to your guns
You couldn’t babysit me any longer
Your eyes lifeless
I killed you a long time ago
It saddens me to think you went through this on your own
Feeling that you couldn’t talk to me (you never did)
It saddens me that when I finally figured it out
I began to fight a losing a battle
A battle I continue to lose
Now, you’re a tower of strength
Not to be broken by me again
Sometimes I resent you
Why hasn’t this destroyed you like it has me?
But my sadness outweighs any bitterness I hold towards you
Still I wonder what you’re thinking now
Hoping it’s about me
Or at least is a nice thought
Because now you’re just a picture in my cupboard
….you shouldn’t have to hide your perfect smile

No longer yours

Hello there, a great poem you've posted, I garner a great deal of longing from the words. I think its a good foundation you can build on- a few lines caught my eye such as 'I killed you a long time ago'- I like the ambiguity of that, was it a literal killing, emotional or mental?, and as the piece unravels and you state 'Still I wonder what you're thinking now' and so the reader understands that it was not literal, and that makes me wonder what exactly happens. Personally that interests me a lot and I'd love to see this built on if you do any revisions. Nice work

Thanks for your kind words, I apprieciate it.

A really engaging piece Revious One,

the first line is very effective; the content reflecting the form, in this case a very short (brief) line.

Nice echo of the 'I' sound in the lines: 'Your eyes lifeless
I killed you a long time ago'

and I found the line: 'It saddens me that when I finally figured it out' quite harrowing, and beyond any control, unable to turn back time, and to me the 'bitterness' he/she felt towards the subject may have been projected there through bitterness at their own inability to see beyond their nose so to speak.

A deep poem I enjoyed reading, thank you.

Kind regards,

Saucerful

Ah, Revious. You have struck a very personal chord, here. Walking away and sticking to your guns is just what I've done recently. Poetry is meant to "reach" people. Often times to cause them to identify. You've succeeded in doing both. This woman was riveted to your poem which reads so smoothly. And your title. Can't get more original than that!

More! Laurie

Thanks guys, I'm genuinely touched (in all the right places!!) with your comments.

Thanks again.

Ryan.

Been on the other side of this and sometimes you do have to walk away for your own sanity. Hard to do but necessary.

I began to fight a losing a battle

an extra "a" has crept into this line

Also you could lose "my" before "sadness"

Enjoyed this Ryan

Very personal and engaging.

Why hasn’t this destroyed you like it has me?
holds a lot of meaning.

Liked it.

Originally Posted by shadows

Been on the other side of this and sometimes you do have to walk away for your own sanity. Hard to do but necessary.


an extra "a" has crept into this line

Also you could lose "my" before "sadness"

Enjoyed this Ryan

HA! My superb obsveration skills and appaling grammar is something you'll get used to I'm afraid!

Thanks to you and to Candid for your comments and observations.