Thread: Behind the Veil

Like a baroque caricature of Apollo
He cast his epistle from the dais in the cavernous hall
Across the midnight horizon line
His iconoclasm ranging as far as the Three Fates reign

The mausoleum now stands as a necropolis
Jesus poses odalisque in the ruins of his keep
Construction of his lintel now complete
His Qibla misdirected to the Pantheon of Greeks

Realism sets in upon the head of the Sphinx
Unity closing the mythical vault
A tapestry built of legend, blood, and belief
Forming a picture, until death, incomplete


Working title.

I quite like the mythological references and images - some of the words, though I know not the meaning, resonate well in this piece - well done
---todd

Thanks man, I guess it makes two of us. The words just kind of have a way of making it into my writing. I follow the line of thought, and write it down. Sometimes words just fit, like a puzzle piece. Maybe they're not the exact piece, but at least they fit.

Originally Posted by Elvenswordsman

The mausoleum now stands as a necropolis
Jesus poses odalisque in the ruins of his keep
Construction of his lintel now complete
His Qibla misdirected to the Pantheon of Greeks

I'm not sure about your antecedents here. ex. is the keep the mausoleum of the poem's subject, or Jesus' keep. From context I'm assuming the former, but made it a little difficult to read, for me anyway. Do you have to have "his" 3 times here?

Originally Posted by Elvenswordsman

A tapestry built of legend, blood, and belief
Forming a picture, until death, incomplete

I liked your ending. I suppose I have to, as it is very similiar to constructions I often use. Nice close to the poem.

This isn't a criticism on you, but you lost me at the sphynx line. I understood all the other references but that does nothing for me.


Otherwise, I enjoyed this read. Loved your use of "odalisque". The perfect word, at least according to my interpretation. Keep em coming!