Thread: 'No folly of man, just folly of men'

I have two big hands
two mindless personalities
a comfy chair
and dad’s old shotgun.

She has golden locks
my constant tiring folly
her golden mouth
the mother’s firearm.

Watching the door frame
no creek nor budge
watching the door frame
triggered impatience.

A feint of blood
floor less pity
ten pints of blood
her tiring folly.

Silence is golden
and far from golden locks.

Yo, how did this get missed?! The first stanza is a musty brilliance. Sounds contrary but it evokes the feeling of seeing dust on a brilliant folk art painting.

I have two big hands
Two mindless personalities
A comfy chair
And dad’s old shotgun.

After this I believe you need a segue into the second verse. Who is "she" and why does she belong in this poem. And keep it and what follows close to the solid imagery of the first stanza.

The ending is wonderful but alas a mystery. Fill up the middle for me!

Silence is far from golden locks.

And hang around! More!

Sinner, indeed, where have you been? I've missed your acid wit. First, please MeeQ, dear, remove the caps every line, so distracting in pieces that employ brevity. I have to agree with Laurie regarding the first stanza, a blissful set up. I also agree with her regarding the ambiguity of S2, I have my own ideas, but shall remain mum as I'd like to hear your intention. S3 is apparent with the repetition working very well. Doorframe is either one word or two words without the dash. Triggered impatience is literally to die for, excellent. Pint in S4 should actually be pints, but I like the singular better. There is also a bit of elusiveness in S4 and the final line, but clarifying S2 should remedy this. The darkness snaking through this is wonderful. Much enjoyed despite a tiny bit of confusion.

Best,
Lisa

A deep, dark and delicious mystery you have here MeeQ. My mind filled in all the blanks with and equally dark story. I like the idea in S2, that her mother's weapon is the daughter's mouth! Excellent!

Okay, Cindy and I got the same thing out of S2, but I thought I was wrong, it wouldn't be the first time. I rescind the confusion bit, MeeQ, since it is what I thought it was it's not confusing at all. I have to stop being such a chicken. lol.

I'm glad you all enjoyed my tiny space of wit and depravity.

You have indeed caressed the idea and thought behind this poem.

Her tongue (being the 'sword' in this relationship) brings him to sit and wait, shotgun in hand, thoughts a bluster.
His patience is rattled as he waits and waits. Her voice bringing him to this point, but now his only only possible saviour.
You see that she didn't arrive, nor come and witness; not until to late.

I was trying to liquefy the ideas that not everything goes to plan, and while one thing can be a weapon, it can also be our aide.
Trying to capture that every decision has consequence and even the smallest of blunders (including timing and misinterpretation) can be the downfall of even the strongest of man.

Thank you again for reading, i hope my dimwitted reply to your questions satisfied your hunger.

P.S Good to finally have time to bring my forked tongue back to this place. Stay tuned.

I'm staying tuned. Good to see you again but do something about all those caps.

Always too happy to see your face 'round these parts Mr Baron. Hope you enjoyed yourself, i do try and please the general populace.

Edit: "Now without crumminess"