Thread: Brain Death

Brain death
Come on and drink up the juices
Of the graveyard of the lemonade stand
Brain death
My fingers look more and more fat
And as I stare they begin to twirl and dance
The darkness called me into the birch grove
She was lusting
I was tugging at the heart
Brain death
The little girls play
But the feet are dirty.
So why can’t I be included in the dance?
They all look so dumb all of a sudden
Could it be….me?
Brain death
Jump all around you foolish lambs
And experience the sunshine
The curves in the road are shimmering
Do they want me?
Bruises, bruises, and scars
They’re running around in their big cars
Petunias have the prettiest eyes that I’ve ever seen
And you know something?
Brain death
Glow! Glow! That’s all that I can see now.
All I can see are the diamonds glittering around me
The pink and the satin
It’s all disappeared
Their ears are keen
But their eyes are pierced
Birth
Can it possibly be the truth that I see
Now is this real life?
He’s pirouetting in the meadow and the tutu’s right there.
The blossoms are flying up with the airplanes
The sky is leaning down to kiss my feet
But I don’t care because I’m laying here in the garden
Alive with the bursting beads of truth
It feels so good.

Madness is frightening. I think this would benefit from stanza breaks.

I enjoyed this piece very much. Thank you.

Originally Posted by SvirVolgate

Madness is frightening. I think this would benefit from stanza breaks.

I had no idea what the poem was about it, I just typed it up randomly but after your comment I read it and the madness meaning made sense!

This is an interesting piece, BP, even more so now that you've revealed how you wrote it. Initially, I thought stanzas would be appropriate also, but upon subsequent reads I find it reads really well as SOC, breaking it would ruin the stream. I would suggest removing the unnecessary caps for that same reason of disrupting the flow. It definitely smacks of madness or perhaps even the train of thought during a hallucinogen induced foray. Either way, it's different and I like it.

Best,
Lisa

The rhythm in this is so nice. It screams madness yet it flows smoothly. Really reminded me of that Dickinson poem Much Madness is Divinest Sense.

Great job!

Hahaha. I like this poem. A great picture of madness, indeed. And though I would have preferred stanza breaks, to keep them as is here would actually contribute more to the portrayal of madness, so I guess no stanza break is fine.

The little girls play
But the feet are dirty.
So why can’t I be included in the dance?
They all look so dumb all of a sudden
Could it be….me?

The rhythm and flow here was just spot-on. Definitely my favorite part in the piece.