Thread: Clash of Natures

Ever the raging river,
you refuse to alter your course.
And I -embedded stone-
will not be budged.

You think, in time,
to move me;
though I vow,
you will only smooth
the sharp edges.

Love it, Gumby! The idea of smoothing the sharp edges came as a pleasant surprise and I really like the economy of the whole thing.

Ah, thank you Foxee.

stand firm gumby!
I enjoyed the imagery of this -

Show off, lol. Forgive me, Cin, my brevity envy momentarily got the best of me. You know full well that I really get this, just a tad more than is good for me. At least you're open to being smoothed, I'll never relinquish my jagged edge. Wonderful little piece that says so much, I love it, and will leave it at that.

Thanks toddm *fist raised in solidarity*

Lol Lisa. brevity envy, that's a new one. Yes, I knew you would get it, I think your river only sharpens your edges, doesn't seem to know what's good for him.

Doesn't seem to know what's good for me either. That said, let the poking commence. Girls just gotta have fun. lol. Seriously, Cin, if I had written this, it would have taken up fifteen threads. Your ability to economize yet speak volumes is a wonderful gift, indeed. You really should share, alms for the poor, kind Miss?

Very nice, Gumby! I like the flow, good use to keep the rythm, and the words were well chosen. However, it took me a couple times to read before I could view the imagery, possible b/c I am quite new to poetry. But, good, I like it.

So girls, you sure you're the stone not the river?

Brilliant piece gumby and I love the title. Should there be a space after "I" in L3?

Thank you asahmed, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I don't suppose it has a lot of imagery, being such a short poem.

Martin, if you knew my river, there would be no doubt. He is a force of nature. I, on the other hand, am definitely a stone. I've added the space after I, and it looks right to me. I wasn't sure if there should be one there, so thank you for that. I'm glad you enjoyed this one, and thank you for your comments.

As those before me have already said, the edge-smoothing image was brilliant. And the brevity of this piece just adds to its allure. Very well done, Gumby.

And I -embedded stone-
will not be budged.

This picture was just lovely. Way to go for solidarity.

Oh, and one more thing:

though I vow,
you will only smooth
the sharp edges.

I can't help but notice the middle line in this one. I think the flow here could be better off if "smooth" was in the last line. I tried reading this aloud, and I think it could work that way. Check this out:

though I vow,
you will only
smooth the sharp edges.

Notice that? This is just a little suggestion of course to a piece that is already a very good one.

A fascinating read.

Thanks Fuhrer, glad you enjoyed. Yes, you are right, smooth would go very well in the last line. You have a good ear for rhythm.

Originally Posted by Gumby

Ever the raging river,
you refuse to alter your course.
And I -embedded stone-
will not be budged.

You think, in time,
to move me;
though I vow,
you will only smooth
the sharp edges.

I have nothing constructive to offer. This is perfect, in its brevity, imagery and in the sharpness of the metaphor. Great stuff Gumby.

What a wonderful compliment! Much appreciated, Edge. Thank you.

Nature of (some) Natures

Ever the blowing wind
you never seize to drift.
And I - atop a leaf -
ever your affected.

As a bud I hardly noticed,
then you caressed me green.
Growing in strength
you will wipe me off my stalk.