Thread: Changing

The leaves were melting-
Saturated words caught on the tongue of pavement.
I had no words for you, baby.
Now we were home it was just you
And me.

Just like the perfected image I had seen,
On the flat pages of an open-mouthed magazine
I dressed you in flesh-coloured trousers
And pale moonlight to lay you on the bed
Dwarfed by the bedsheet in its uneven spread
(puckered iris in its fat eyelid)
All as you dwarfed my flesh and sense,
You railed and screamed thrashed and slid-

Until we were all that was left,
Us, a composed layer on sunken bed clouds;
I listened until the night was no longer
A soundless, absent thing.
And I lifted my head only an inch or two
To watch you sleep.


- formatting's gone a bit funny, sorry.

I see the story continues, Nenada. I like the feelings you manage to capture in your work, it's an open honest feeling, very vulnerable. These lines in particular touched me:

All as you dwarfed my flesh and sense,
You railed and screamed thrashed and slid-

Until we were all that was left,
Us, a composed layer on sunken bed clouds;
I listened until the night was no longer
A soundless, absent thing.
And I lifted my head only an inch or two
To watch you sleep.

These describe so well that feeling every new mother has when she is finally home with her baby. It's very overwhelming, a bit scary, but so wonderful, too. Very nice!

Goodness, Nenada, this is pure bliss. Again, there is ambiguity, I like that so much. There are a number of positively sensational lines such as:

The leaves were melting-
Saturated words caught on the tongue of pavement

Just like the perfected image I had seen,
On the flat pages of an open-mouthed magazine

I dressed you in flesh-coloured trousers
And pale moonlight

(puckered iris in its fat eyelid)

My only nit is the caps every line, but as you've cited formatting problems, I suggest you go in and edit them out manually. I enjoyed this, and your other piece, tremendously and thank you profusely for sharing them. The four happiest times in my life occurred after giving birth and bringing my newborns home. The first few weeks were heaven. I've always wanted to write about it, but all attempts have fallen terribly short, I just don't know how to write happy. You've done it for me. Thank you so much, again.

Best,
Lisa

Thank you Gumby, and Lisa. These are definitely written in hindsight- the first few months after I had my son I lived in almost panic, wishing there was some sort of manual to go with him! He's nearly two now, he's my best friend, my treasure and my proudest achievement. I had awful post-natal depression in the year after he was born and still struggle with it now but I would not change a single thing, I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I think these are two of my happiest pieces, quite sentimental but then I am a bit of a soppy one.

Thank you again for the comments. I had all my drafts on my memory stick from my laptop which had MS Word, naturally it broke and my home computer only has Wordpad hence the dreadful formatting problems.