Thread: Taming the Beast

The spider and I made a deal:
He could stay so long as he did away with every fly,
moth or mosquito that irritated me.
He did his job well and grew in size
but started to scare people.
So I told him
that if he wanted to stay
he’d have to hide,
and he disappeared.
But now and then
poking out from beneath the sofa
I still glimpse a large hairy leg
when someone annoys me.

Short and simple, I like this one. It's even verging on humorous.

Some things I noticed:

He could stay so long as he did away with every fly,
moth or mosquito that irritated me.

I think a simple change in word position could do wonders here. At this point, I'm having some small issue with rhythm, which I think could be fixed with this slight change:

He could stay so long as he did away
with every fly, moth or mosquito
that irritated me.

Notice the difference?

I also think this could be separated further into three stanzas.

The spider and I made a deal:
He could stay so long as he did away
with every fly, moth or mosquito
that irritated me.

He did his job well and grew in size
but started to scare people.
So I told him
that if he wanted to stay
he’d have to hide,
and he disappeared.

But now and then
poking out from beneath the sofa
I still glimpse a large hairy leg
when someone annoys me.

Do you see that change?

The edits are just my two cents, of course.

Once again, thanks for making a piece that made me smile.