Thread: Those Days

Bars, buses and beds.
There's nothing more I could have
Tried to say
Horses to water are led
And we drank, and we smoked, and we laughed that day

Beds, buses and bars,
We lay there together and watched the
Time tick away
Venus aligns with mars
And we stared, and we stroked, and we whispered that day

Buses, bars and beds
Cold and tired, our feet felt like
Daffodils in May
We'll miss it you said
So we ran, and we did, and we swore that day

granty, I really feel you've got something here! With an economy of words you painted a big picture of time elapsed while lovers drown. Just two suggestions.

Those Days
Bars, buses and beds.
There's nothing more I could have
Tried to say
Horses to water are led I would suggest replacing this line. A bit too abstract.
[/COLOR]And we drank, and we smoked, and we laughed that day

Beds, buses and bars,
We lay there together and watched the
Time tick away
Venus aligns with mars
And we stared, and we stroked, and we whispered that day

Buses, bars and beds
Cold and tired, our feet felt like
Daffodils in May
We'll miss it you said
So we ran, and we did, and we swore that day

Capitalize just the beginning word of each stanza. It will provide a smoother read. A kind of unspoken rule. What a great job! Laurie