Thread: aahhhhh

Sometimes I feel like a toy,
You can wind me up:
Down my back, your fingers a convoy,
Or down...
And stand ever so distant, boy
with frost looks, he GLARES.

You drive me mad!
Like a cat you play:
I'm just another mouse, a fad
of yours, one step too far
and I'm over and out
bored and bad, you leave me sad...

the colon in the second stanza could be gone from the poem.

Down my back, your fingers a convoy,
Or down...

Didn't you already state that the person could go down the narrator's back? If you get rid of "your fingers a convoy" and left those two things, they say the exact same thing. I also think the title should be changed, I can't connect it to the poem.

The poem needs some editing, but it has a deep feeling to it that, if given some time, can blossom into a fantastic piece of poetry!