Thread: Cilice

She pulled the worn valise
from the dark depths
of her closet.
Lifting the latches, she gazed
at the garments inside.

Each time she saw them,
they looked worse than before,
no matter how carefully
she packed them away.

She stiffened her spine,
held each one up
to the harsh, cold light;
tried to smooth them with her hands

as her past,
passed before her
and regrets
coursed the canyons of her cheeks.

They were beyond repair.

She longed to throw them out,
after all,
how many hair shirts
can one person wear?

Cindy, I marveled while reading. The longing. The faded beauty.

As her past,
passed before her
and regrets
coursed the canyons of her cheeks.

Great alliteration aside, what imagery! For some reason, I'm thinking of the famous black and white photograph of Georgia O'Keefe.

after all,
how many hair shirts
can one person wear?

The imagery is so strong, I can feel it upon my skin. Deep meaning but I can't put my finger on it.
You told a large story captured in a minute's time.

Fantastic! Laurie

Thank you Laurie, glad you felt the deeper meaning here, as it is really a metaphorical poem. I truly appreciate your thoughts on this one.

Very strong imagery, Cindy, and the hair shirt metaphor is a strong one.

Originally Posted by Baron

and the hair shirt metaphor is a strong one

Having never heard of a "hair shirt" I would love to hear your take on the metaphor. This would mean a great deal to me. Laurie

Laurie, the hair shirt has an interesting history, I can't imagine actually wearing one and feel for those who did or do. Though I meant mine in a metaphorical sense. An underwire bra is enough torture for me,


A cilice (pronounced /ˈsɪlɨs/) was originally a garment or undergarment made of coarse cloth or animal hair (a hairshirt) used in some religious traditions to induce some degree of discomfort or pain as a sign of repentance and atonement. In more modern religious circles, the word has come to simply mean any device worn for the same purposes.

Originally Posted by Baron

Very strong imagery, Cindy, and the hair shirt metaphor is a strong one.

Thank you Baron.

Cindy,

I, too, think this poem has great imagery.

I had heard of a "hair shirt" before, but never heard "Cilice". Thank you for the explanation.

Thank you, Cindy. I've read that Mother Teresa actually wore a hair shirt.

The movie The Da Vinci Code portrayed an Opus Dei priest who wore a cilice in the form of a spiked chain around his thigh, though that was a grotesque exaggeration of reality, I believe.

A cilice (pronounced /ˈsɪlɨs/) was originally a garment or undergarment made of coarse cloth or animal hair (a hairshirt) used in some religious traditions to induce some degree of discomfort or pain as a sign of repentance and atonement. In more modern religious circles, the word has come to simply mean any device worn for the same purposes.

Thank you, Cindy, Now I can say your ending was brilliant! Laurie

Very strong poem Gumby. I found the connection between the poem and the central metaphor to be somewhat vague because the poem doesn't really seem to include any mention of, or reference to, penance. It might be implied that the subject is seeking repentance, or that she is recalling past transgressions, or that she wants to unburden herself of those memories but cannot quite bring herself to do it out of an ambivalent sense of obligation. I am curious to know how you envisioned the piece in that regard. Even without knowing those specifics, it works well on a literal level as a description of a profound moment.

Originally Posted by Gumby

She pulled the worn valise
from the dark depths
of her closet.
Lifting the latches, she gazed
at the garments inside.

Each time she saw them,
they looked worse than before,
no matter how carefully
she packed them away.

She stiffened her spine,
held each one up
to the harsh, cold light;
tried to smooth them with her hands. Strongest image imo.

As her past,
passed before her
and regrets
coursed the canyons of her cheeks. Slight grammar issue with this stanza. It is phrased as either a continuation of the previous stanza or a set up for the following line (works fine in either case), but it is written in such a way that it seems to stand alone. Easily remedied by removing the period at the end of the last stanza and de-capitalizing the first line of this one. An alternative is to simply remove the period at the end of this one so that it introduces the subsequent thought/dialogue.

They were beyond repair.

She longed to throw them out,
after all,
how many hair shirts
can one person wear?

Much enjoyed.

Thank you, Edge for the comments. I took your advice and eliminated the period at the end of the third stanza, as that better represents how I wanted the thoughts to flow, thank you for that suggestion.

As to the metaphor, I was envisioning that the whole act is a penance for her, a cilice, the very fact that she keeps these past sins locked carefully away and forces herself to bring them out into the harsh light of her own judgement to relive the pain and self condemnation. They are her own hair shirt and though she longs to throw them out, she can't or won't, as she cannot forgive herself.

Thank you again, Edge, I truly appreciate your thoughts here.

Much better than the original. Keep up the great work!

I've been wanting to dive into this piece ever since you posted it. What happened to the original? Did your moderating forces delete it or did you simply edit the title as well?

Anyway, I read it, looked up the rare words and pondered on it before reading the comments. Your explanation in the end were really so accurate as to how I got the metaphor. Excellent work I must say, strong and sad yet enlightening and so very true for many I believe.

One suggestion:

As her past,
passed before her

This part is explicating, at least what I already understood, and so I thought it unnecessary. It reads nice enough, but ultimately it came off as fill for me. And another win by getting rid of it:

and regrets
coursed the canyons of her cheeks.

This part would be so much more powerful as those two lines just on their own. In my opinion at least. Anyway it's not an essential nit and the piece is excellent regardless.

Martin

Thank you bearycool, your encouragement is much appreciated.

Martin, yes, my superpowers came in handy, as I realized I had posted it before I was ready to.

I will definitely consider what you've suggested, and I appreciate the time you've taken to ponder on this one. I was afraid that it wouldn't come across as I intended, that it was too metaphorical from start to finish, so I'm very pleased to hear that your mind understood it in the way I meant it. Wonderful! Thank you so much, Martin.