Thread: Stowaways

Leaving my partner in bed,
I go for a walk on deck.
Some of the faces of the day are still there,
each telling their own story.
We say hello as we pass in the cold, salty, night air.
At the lifeboats, I hear movement,
and pull back the tarpaulin,
and see a young woman curled up asleep.
I wake her gently
And take her to a cafe,
Where I buy her food and a warm drink.
She tells me about herself, and I think:
if things had been different.
In the morning she’s gone.

Still I take the ferry back,
and occasionally, lift the edge of a wind beaten tarpaulin,
and there, again, I find her – a curled up stowaway.

I feel I missed the message in this poem. Maybe just me but I wonder if you give enough clues in images and feelings.

A few thoughts, just how I see poetry so use or ignore as you wish.

Leaving my partner in bed,
I go for a walk on deck.
Some of the faces of the day are still there, <<---faces bothers me, maybe just people
each telling their own story.
We say hello as we pass in the cold, salty, night air. <<--maybe "in the cold, salty night air we say hello"
At the lifeboats, I hear movement,
and pull back the tarpaulin,
and see a young woman is curled up asleep.
I wake her gently
And take her to a cafe,
Where I buy her food and a warm drink.
She tells me about herself, and I think: <<--you could expand this and give the reader a bit more of an insight as to why she is a stowaway
if things had been different.
In the morning she’s gone. <<--maybe show you going to look for her

Still I take the ferry back,
and occasionally, lift the edge of a wind beaten tarpaulin,
and there, again, I find her – a curled up stowaway. <<--I didn't get this ending. I am guessing the stowaway is a metaphor but it passed me by

I find the piece quite interesting. The metaphor of a stowaway (lovely wording) to me, speaks of how even though we have a single partner through out our lives, always we will have our dreams and thoughts of "what if" we had been with someone else. You manage to keep it very romantic yet without neglecting the partner. Very human I'd say.

I also like shadow's suggestions, especially the one about expanding on what she says on the café. It doesn't need to be particularly concrete, just something indicating she being another kind of person than the partner.

Enjoyed the read.

I enjoyed this story, Firebird, and my thoughts were very much along the lines of what Martin exprressed. This poem has very good bones and only needs a little bit more meat to fill it out. Good work.