Thread: alchemist's chant

‘Upon a gentle rolling sea,
You find yourself floating adrift.
You rock back and forth
Between sighing waves,
Taken to a time before
Your troubles and strife,
You no longer crave.
You close your eyes -
To wake up new and alive,
Born again beside the sea.’

A very peaceful and enjoyable piece.

I like how you relate it to alchemy, it brings forth the notions of the deeper philosophies in the practise. Anyway I think you should cap the "a" in the title. And you might want to consider proper grammatical capitalisation through out the piece.

In the last line, may I suggest to enhance the imagery by somehow incorporating 'shores', f.ex. "born again on the shores of sea".

I enjoyed this very much for its abstract nature. I believe it speaks directly to any reader.

Regards,
Martin

I agree completely with Martin.

I think the punctuation threw me off a bit. Capitalizing the first word in each line (though some poets do it) was distracting for me.

Thanks guys. The piece is from my novel Eternal hence the caps etc. Taken under advisement.

Hello mockingbird,

I have to agree with the other comments. Also that the sentiment and emotion described throughout the poem gave it that extra intensity.

With regard to this being a piece from your novel (written or in the process of and being published) I have to say your standard of writing is top notch.

All the best,

Wacker