Thread: Boring Old Stories

Old men appeal to their experience
with a bony white hand
gripping a single grain of sand
while they wait out the end.

Is it pride
holding onto youth,
a wish for a last chance
to chase dreams with the strong legs
of a younger man?

Nerves formerly concerned
with the pointing fingers of their peers
melt away with the toll
of their very own years.

Some have eyes that dance
with a revelry unknown
by the young until time
plays its tricks on their sight.

Life, formerly a completed puzzle,
dissolves into isolated anecdotes,
pride holding out a last lifeline
back to color and soul
before one grain
among many
became
priceless
and old.

nice one

Edgewise, I enjoyed this immensely. The show not tell. Aging. A unique topic here. At least of what I've read.

The sands of the hour glass, I hear. Subtle enough!

gripping a single grain of sand
while they wait out the end.

A brilliant visual Onomonopia! Narrowing till the "end"

Life, formerly a completed puzzle,
dissolves into isolated anecdotes,
pride holding out a last lifeline
back to color and soul
before one grain
among many
became
priceless
and old.


Thank you for this thought provoking piece. Laurie

Very nice one, Edge. That first stanza could almost stand alone, it's so good. A wonderful image presented clearly. I enjoyed the subtle rhymes also, gave a pleasing sound to some very thought provoking lines, when read out loud.

Some have eyes that dance
with a revelry unknown
by the young until time
plays its tricks on their sight.

Brilliant lines.

Thanks Gumby.

I guess I will still have to wait and see, if I will hold onto youth as I get old. You definitely capture an interesting sensation here, and though I'm not too keen on the generalisation (I like to think some people completely accept their old age and live out their end in inner peace) I'm also quite sure no one can completely escape those old anecdotes or dreams of when they were young.

I especially liked you put "priceless" there on a line of its own. It gave it an ambiguous meaning for me.

Enjoyed the read.

Your sense of rhyme and timing is so strong. I've noticed that in all of your pieces. The final stanza in this is so well done. The words worked in perfect harmony with the visual structure to create the ending. Very clever work.

Hello Edgewise,

I have to agree with all the above with regard to your poem. However in my case, I thought that the imagery you presented us with, was that of an aging old man reflecting back to his youth, rather than trying to hold on to it.
This is just my opinion. Either way, it was brilliantly penned and worthy of all the praise it is receiving.

All the best,

Wacker