Thread: Sproing!!!

Hurrah green! says Spring's here
In fields blooming sings near
Dance the roundy-round
Sing the bouncy sound
Of butterfly wings
Bee stings
Kiss the hurt, love heals things.
Hurrah life! says Springs here!

--Mike Blanche

I really enjoyed this. The rhythm is wonderful. "Of butterfly wings/Bee stings" - my favorite rhyme.

My only concern is the second to last line. It didn't feel to me like it kept the tone of the rest of the lines. At first I didn't like it at all. On second reading, I like it better, but I'm still not sure about it.

The title - three exclamation points might be much. I don't see what's wrong with simply calling it, "Spring".

Thanks for the comments.

I learned a long time ago that no poem is perfect...and I wrote this one a long time ago!

By the way, note that the title is "Sproing!!!" Not Spring. Perhaps too esoteric a joke, but at the time (we're talking 1970's) the cartoon strip "B.C." was big. In it, flowers would spring out of the ground, making a "Sproing!!!" sound.

Way before my time... haha, I didn't get the reference.

I liked this. The word sproing is funny. I like it.