Thread: down there

I feel like im slipping
slipping away from my mind
as i'm scratching, clawing, and gripping
i continue slipping, slipping, and slipping
Everyone i love gets further away
it hurts worse down there
but the hurt fits me i would say
i cant hold on, because my muscles hurt
when i let go i feel dirtier than dirt
then i turn the rock into smoke...
oh my god!
right now, everything feels...
OK

The issue I see with this is that there is too much exposition. Look for images to convey what you are feeling. I'm sure, based off the power of the emotions you are attempting to describe, that painting these images instead of saying them will be easy.

Other thing - the final turn seems rushed and out of nowhere. Why does everything suddenly become "OK"?