Thread: Sleep

My mind races,
thoughts too over-cooked
to douse in that last sweetness
of deep sleep.

As I fidget and turn,
limbs tangle in crumpled bedsheets
until finally I drift into nightmares
that die so slowly,
leaving me pulling thorns
from a lingering image.

I enjoyed this greatly. Nice and compact, painting a great picture of the frustration of sleep, and the frustration of waking.

Thanks very much for taking the time to read and comment Squalid.

Your craft for short verses excels in this poem once again. A sleeper whose state seesaws from a decent dream to nightmarish torture.

Just one minor suggestion, I don't mean to be disrespectful. Verse two could make use of a few commas immediately after 'turn' and 'slowly'.

Wonderful work again, Shadows.

Thanks very my foxryder and you aren't being in the least bit disrespectful. I have been a bit lazy when it comes to punctuation, will fix.

You're most welcome, Shadows. Better still, you know your punctuations. I guess you basically wanted the raw fact to be out in the open, and you've made that point. I'm not that good punctuating my works, but time and commitment are all I need.

Nice one, Shadows. I agree with everything Foxryder said. I think you capture the struggle falling asleep can be very nicely.

Hey shadows, I enjoyed this one a lot. I commiserate with you, as I am a fellow zombie of the night, too.

Thanks very much Caelum and Gumby.

I hate nights like these and wake up thinking it would have been better if I hadn't bothered going to bed.