Thread: Hallelujah!

Strong smell of dust
Tears fell off chins
Blurry vision of the day
Rain drops slam the door
Sounds like a roar
Feeling sore
Tables are shaking
Peace has been taken
Furious earthquake
Tea and cake
Hallelujah
Innocence and pure
Narcissism and grandeur
Humanity fades
Hallelujah
God is watching
Time is launching
Surviving a shredded life
Dead fish cannot dive
Hallelujah
Useless atonement
Jaundice moment
Blacken the blackness
Murder and madness
Hallelujah
Nothing is odd
Failures and blood
Bleeding brain
Simply empty
Bleeding again
Even Iniquity
Earthquake exposed
Earthquake explained
God is watching
And, hallelujah

With some work this could become a good poem, but I'm going to be honest.
This poem seems like you just threw together words that rhymed and called it a poem.

Rain drops slam the door
Sounds like a roar
Feeling sore

That's got some nice imagery but it all seems strange and mismatched. Also the 3 instances of rhymes is extremely awkward. Maybe you could explain the meaning, and then it would be more clear how to critique.

you're right, finding the right rhymes has been distracting me and might affect on the finesse of the poem.
About the mismatching; I think finding more than an action from various places, times and meaning might add a sense of perfection to the poem.
Let me know what you think.