Thread: Fingertips

Drinking tea
I remember your kiss;
your breath in the steam,
moist and warm
on my lips and nose.
The hint of mint
wets my eyes and I blink.

We’re back
in your parent’s house,
under a blanket,
on a couch,
drowning in each other’s heat,
in the light
of some movie I can’t remember,
but I know I loved.

The first time I said
I love you
I wrote it
on the back of your neck
with my fingertip.

Memories eh. I find a beautiful longing in the piece, with a tinge of sadness somehow. Nicely written through-out and no nits. One radical suggestion though; Last stanza is nice and all and in itself there's nothing wrong with it at all, it's just quite disconnected with the rest. Also, the energy the reader's left in after second stanza would make for a more powerful ending. So, the suggestion is to end the poem after second stanza, and then change the title I guess...

Anyway a nice read no matter what.

This is very sweet and has an innocence to it that I enjoyed Svir. Nice work.

I also feel like the last stanza is a bit disconnected, but I absolutely love it. It's my favorite stanza. I would look for a way to maybe create a bit better transition there. Otherwise, this is lovely. It produces a great feel with great images.

I love the blink at the end of the first stanza. I like what the last one indicates but I agree that maybe it could use a bit more meat.

.A deep sense of longing...memories so romantic. The poem evokes a lot of nice feeling. And to that end, I believe you have succeeded. Thanks for the read.