Thread: Valley of the Eagle

In the valley of the eagle
I walk alone
following the path
of a dried up river bed
that winds between
steep cliffs
to the sea of the dead.

Memories of my past
echo in the dusty air:
shadows on the rock face,
murmurs on the wind.

Ghosts of yesterday
brush my face
drying tears of tomorrow
as I near my fate.

I absolutely love this! Haven't seen such quick passage with so much meaty content all through. Reminds me of one of my fiction games Silent Hill.

Brilliant...

Thank you very much indeed for your kind word Foxy

This is a good start. My suggestions are thus, In stanza two tell me something, what about the memories? Good memories or bad? are the shadows murmuring to you? or just in general? You need to specify a bit. Add this, and a little bit because the first two lines seem a bit disjointed from the other two.

I like the ghosts of yesterday drying the tears of tomorrow but this stanza is too rushed, it doesn't give it the framework it deserves. Also, you only actually use punctuation in the middle stanza, I think more around the other two would make it better, because i'm not sure how this is meant to be read. Also, "as i near my fate" is cliqued. and worse than that, its non descriptive! What fate? is it a new dawning of hope? or are you going into the biggest battle of your life?

To tell you the truth this feels like a dry husk, or the ornate box that holds the treasure. Dig deeper! You have good ideas but not enough raw meaty emotion.

Thanks for your suggestions Prisoner, plenty to think about.

Dear Shadows, this poem has a very strong appeal to me. The peaceful narration and the melting together of the physical and mental worlds complement each other very well. It's as if spoken by an old shaman, who has accepted his dying fate (the fate of all) and still in awe of life and his past, he continue his walk, spiritually adrift and connected with nature. And he understands that nature is no longer apart from himself, but symbols of what is within. Yet he is still humbled and the poem expresses this with a tinge of sadness between the lines. Really beautiful and meaningful to me and very human.

Quite sure I'm having my own transliteration here, but a very enjoyable one indeed.

Best,
Martin

thank you very much Martin, I'm glad you found it enjoyable and could see inside the words.