Thread: Thankfully Haunted

Too long departed
for toes buried in the hairy green
beneath which is peacefully laid.

Rings on wrong fingers
neither left nor right
carry bittersweet comedy
crisp and clean.

Your balding spectre
guides fledgling wings and
pupils thankfully haunted.
Please haunt us still.

Slow-motion defense
allows nightmares pass,
monochromatic and mute.

Steep stakes
gambling in hospital skulls
with colors struck and

your colors shown at last.

I'm not fantastic at evaluating poetry but I do like this. The only thing that disrupted the flow of things for me was the 'ands' that are at the end of a couple lines, I never understand why people do that...

Thanks ISW. The "and"s are at the end of their lines because I felt if they were placed in the following lines, it would take something away from them. One being the title line, and the other being a stanza on it's own, they should be as tight as possible.

I loved the wording here, OD, and while I feel I get parts, I know I'm missing the entire picture. I'm battling a significant fever, so it could be my brain is on hold. What I'd like you to do is just give me a hint and let me see if I can work it out on my own. I have to agree with Insanity regarding the first line ending in and, it's causing a bump, the second one is fine. In the meantime, I loved hairy green and the way S2 rolls so beautifully off of my tongue. Now please be so kind as to set me straight, my friend.

Best,
Lisa

Thanks for the kind words, Lisa. I thought maybe it was just the way I read it, S3L2 wasn't a problem, but it appears unanimously the opposite. I'm terrible at hints, as either they're too vague to be any good, or too obvious. Either way, I'll send you one, but I'll keep it off the board for now, unless others call for a bit more insight.