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Thread: Memories

  1. 01-11-2011, 09:07 PM #1
    Firebird
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    A slow death

    It was as if
    I buried him
    in a tungsten-steel
    hermetically-sealed coffin
    still alive.
    Last edited by Firebird; 01-12-2011 at 02:05 PM. Reason: Advice
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  2. 01-11-2011, 09:23 PM #2
    shadows
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    Love the poem especially the last line but the whole jars with the title. You say memories but then use "him"

    also you could say:

    It was as if
    I buried him....
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  3. 01-12-2011, 01:03 PM #3
    Firebird
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    Shadows, thank you for your useful advice. I agree with your suggestion about the 'I'd' and have changed it. I'm not sure that the title does jar with the body of the poem, as it could be 'memories' about one person.

    Either way, your comments and advice are much appreciated as usual.

    Love,

    Firebird
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