Thread: Margie

She had rotting teeth,
enamel gateway to the grotto;
that place from where
she laughed, cried
and spat at insincerity.

One day I found her
laying in the middle of the road.
Limbs spread out on the yellow line.

She, just looking to the sky
as if heaven were a tenement.

That summer
girl gum on
steamy black pavement.
Showy, peculiar, taking pride
in the alarming.

Margie,
rotten poor.
Maybe, candy drops for breakfast,
chocolate bars for lunch,
taffy in the evening.

Maybe, father on the prowl,
mother chasing gin with a beer.
Such sad suppositions.

One day, fresh out of the box,
I handed her my Barbie doll.

She, the rag doll,
didn't know what to do with her.
She was too fancy.

On moving day
Margie came to say goodbye.
We buried a dead bird together.

Her five year old eyes were steady
when she said:

“We’ll write.”


Wherever you are Margie, may you be in peace.
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　
　

Lovely reminiscence of a childhood friend who you lost touch with long ago and often think about and wonder what happened to her.

I wonder if you need enamel on the second line of the first verse

and it should be

I found her lying in the middle of the road.

I did enjoy this

Shadows, I'm glad you enjoyed. She does come to mind now and then and do wonder whatever became of her. I'll never forget this little girl saying "We'll write"

I had a friend like this too Laurie. I do wonder from time to time what ever became of her. Such sad suppositions, as you said in your touching poem. Enjoyed this much.

Yes, Cindy. My little best friend from the other side of the tracks. Not one of my more contemplative poems but a brief poemstory. And as you suggested, about a simple, "touching" relationship. And her eagerness to "write". Out of the mouth of babes. Glad you enjoyed.

Strikingly sad, Laurie. For a moment my thoughts were locked up with the human equivalent of the barbie doll. Such a terrible, but realistic contrast.

Splendid piece.

Uzo.

Uzo, it "is" strikingly sad. I'm pleased that it reached you that way. And you "got" the contrasting! My reviewer extraordinaire. Thank You.

Beautiful piece. I love the surreal bit about burying a dead bird. It's one of those things that is too out of left field to not be true. Excellent work, this.

J

J - So glad you liked this piece. An "Excellent" from you holds allot of weight with me!

You know, Laurie, I already have enough holes in my gut, did you have to tear another one? I believe you've edited since I first read it, the doll comparison is much more pronounced than I remember. Excellent job with that, as well as with "as if heaven were a tenement" and "girl gum", both genius. Excellent piece, love, which made me feel incredibly sad, and you know I don't waste time on messy emotion. Kudos.

Thanks so much, Lisa.

I already have enough holes in my gut, did you have to tear another one?

Maybe I should try writing some haikus. But then again they can be sad. I'm stuck!

You chose two of my favorite phrasings! Great minds think alike?

The other readers have highlighted some of the especially cogent lines. A nicely-presented and hardhitting work. You have done the memoir very well in the poetic form. Have you thought of painting this as prose? It would appear as a chapter of a longer work of memoir.

Very poignant and touching. Children can only accept and endure their plight in life. You showed her coping skills well and how grown up she had to be. Very well expressed.
Laurie, for me, the only line that didn't add to the integrity of the poem was

She, the rag doll,
didn't know what to do with her.
She was too fancy.

To me, it felt like an opinion and it stood out from the poem. I realize there were suppositions in the poem, but this stanza wasn't written as so. Otherwise it has a power, it's visual with a sad bravery.

Hi Al, I already have a memoir in the works but had to shelve it for awhile. Some of the material was too disturbing. I never thought of including Margie in the "moving scene" because so much else was going on. You've given me a great idea when I get around to it and the re-write. Thanks!

Apple, I agree the following could be re-worked into a stronger verse. Thanks for reminding me that more thought should have been put into this.

She, the rag doll,
didn't know what to do with her.
She was too fancy.

iDrew, you propose allot of re-working and I do see your points. Think I'll set it away for awhile and come back to it with your suggestions in mind.

Thank you, both