Thread: Compromised

A pen pacing
across
a diary
amounts only
to a whimper.

Rhythm
makes
the poem
loud,
but alone,
not alive.

Sometimes
I struggle
with
the whispers

suggesting
indecision

through
bouts of self
involvement

that risk
a deficit
of interest

and pleasing
sounds that bounce
with a ripple
in my ear.

No one is
satisfied
by that
compromise

stage and page
will not coexist.

Without
an audience
to know
the line

the word
paces
for
lack
of purpose.

I like this Edgewise - the eternal struggle with words and being heard.

I find no nits to pick, brother. This is an excellent piece. I think the nature of the line breaks as well as the punctuation work well here... the flow seems only to stammer and hesitate when the readers are meant to. Good stuff, as usual. Now, will you go take a long walk off a short pier so the rest of us lunkheads can look brilliant for a change. I kid. Iron sharpens iron and I always hope reading your work rubs off on me.

J

I agree with Jeff, (well, not about the pier) but you're definitely on fire, Edge.

Felt this stanza deeply

Sometimes
I struggle
with
the whispers

stage and page
will not coexist.

Without
an audience
to know
the line

the word
paces
for
lack
of purpose.

Amen, you're preaching to the choir here, I loved it.

Nice one Edge. Very Spartan for you. Well executed departure from what I have usually seen of yours. Some very tight little phrases.

that risk
a deficit
of interest

Good one.

Gracias all.