Thread: On an Edge

It’s early darkness
on the borders of illusion
and I’m lost on a bus
beside a man with no legs.

He is angry with the woman behind,
annoyed by the volume
of her phone conversation
or maybe just her breathing.

He manoeuvres in his seat
twists to tell her.
to shut up,
that the feather balanced on her nose
is making everyone sneeze.

Does it mean something
or am I finally
falling over the edge?

I love the randomness and near claustrophobia of this piece. Shouldn't the spelling in S3L1 be "maneuvers?" Anyway, I loved the line about the feather on her nose making everyone sneeze.

Hi Jeff

Thanks very much. I have weird dreams sometimes. Manoeuvres I think is the right spelling (UK anyway) not sure what the US spelling is.

Hi Shadows,
The poem came through so smoothly. Those lines hold clear mental pictures of a disturbing situation. And you've done it with a lovely drift of characters. Something enticing in the end. Kudos.

You captured the way a dream can be way out there, and yet seem to normal when you're in it. It really did feel on the edge.

Thanks very much Foxryder and Gumby - yeah I go a little weird in my sleep.

I really like this, reminds me a bit of Alice in Wonderland with the complete randomness in it! Since the title is different from the last line, is this poem the progression where she/he/you actually fall over the edge then? Definately got a taste for the emotion in this poem, although it was ambiguous, which I guess is the point. Overall nice poem x

Thanks Jessie. I wonder sometimes if I do fall over the edge into some kind of insane world when I dream - either that or there's some deep message I can't fathom

Nice. I like the feather image too. The no legged man really helps add to the claustrophobic quality.

It’s early darkness
bound for illusion
and I’m lost on a bus (taking out the personal phrases such as "I'm" and the last paragraph make this more universal)
beside a man with no legs.

He is angry with the woman behind,
annoyed by the volume
of her phone conversation
or maybe just her breathing. (I like the jealousy wrapped up in this phrase)

He manoeuvres in his seat
twists to tell her.
to shut up,
that the feather balanced on her nose
is making everyone sneeze.

Does it mean something
or am I finally
falling over the edge?

I'd consider cutting the last paragraph. It doesn't really add, IMO. We're already there.

Thanks very much for your suggestions vangoghsear, aprpreciated.

jpatrick - Check your Oxford dictionary and you will find that 'manoeuvres' is correct. Anything else is an error.