Thread: and the clock ticks on...

Twelve tempting scenes
of tourist traps
tossed in the trash.
Diagonal slashes did their duty
marking moments marching by,
leaving forlorn confetti
in their wake.

Snapshots of places I'll never visit
(no funds nor time
to seek the sublime)
and angry red lines
to remind me of minutes wasted.

A quick click on rewind reveals:
.
The kids sprouting some
from stuffing their faces
with fuel pumped by hands
that thrice daily set places.
The attics of their minds
relinquishing empty spaces
to parcels packaged
by my ever wagging tongue.

A wounded soldier
waging wellness wars,
vanquishing invisible invaders
to keep comrades erect.
Scribbles in a notebook
shared on a dare
coaxing some smiles
or a tear here and there.
Slumped shoulders squaring
to serve as lampposts
for those drunk
with despair.

I dump grounds from morning coffee
on what amounts to only paper,
thinking of trees sacrificed
just to be wasted...

oh so very unlike
those minutes of mine.

Humming, I hang
the pizzeria's gift to the loyal -
displaying yet another sight
I'll never take in -
and with a granite hand
make the first scarlet slash
as a few bits of welcome confetti
fall at my feet.


This is last year's New Year's piece, I am very, very fond of it because it's actually me speaking. I've been told I should properly punctuate it which I would love to do, but with your help. Suggestions?

Hi Lisa

I'm slow on the uptake, took me a while to realise you were looking at a calendar and the pictures on it. The number 12 should have given me a clue. Reading again and I could appreciate much more the images and the first crossing out of the day. Neatly done.

I have a very kind friend who each year makes me a lovely one from photos she has taken. It brightens up my kitchen.

I did get a bit confused with this verse

The kids sprouting some
stuffing their faces
with fuel pumped by hands
that thrice daily set places.
The attics of their minds
relinquishing empty spaces
to parcels packaged
by my ever wagging tongue.

I think possibly the odd line break after the first line didn't help.

My sincere apologies, Shadows, I've been quite ill. Your calendar is a lot better than mine, although the pizzeria switched to pictures of food with recipes this year, at least that something I can indulge in. I've edited some, added some punctuation and a changed a line. As for the confusing verse, I don't do abstract well, I usually just end up confusing everyone. I've added from to the second line in an attempt to make it clearer. The first four lines just mean the kids grew a little feasting on the three meals I prepared each day, and the latter four mean they actually retained some of what I attempted to teach them. I truly appreciate your input, love, thank you so much.

All my best,
Lisa

I remember reading this, how is it that I didn't comment? Oh, well. I like it. *shock* I'm not a stickler for punctuation. Like anything we wield as we write, it's there to suit our whims.

Dear Jeff, Very subtly, turn your head and you just may catch a glimpse of senility creeping up behind you. I would like to believe that you didn't comment because busy man that you are, you were abruptly called away. Okay, you can't blame a girl for having a vivid imagination. I never post that which suits my whims, I would be stoned and banished from the village. I'm a stickler for spelling, punctuation and proper grammar, and this one still seems off to me somehow. I'm glad you liked it, dear.

I can't say I got the chance to read it before you added the punctuation, but I don't think anything [else] needs to be changed on that side of things. S3 and 4 I liked particularly, though I can't exactly say why. Perhaps it was just my interpretation of a year's worth of memories flashing past as the new year turns. S3 holding more comforting (and mundane?) ones while S4 is a bit less so.

Thanks for the good read.

I did immediately catch your reference to cooking three meals a day and also the 'attic' metaphor which I liked. I think adding 'from' improved the rhythm of these lines:

'The kids sprouting some
from stuffing their faces'

Not all the alliteration worked for me although I liked it in the first stanza. 'waging wellness wars' sounded forced, but I liked 'Slumped shoulders squaring'

Maybe last years piece, but still a good read Lisa. And still loving it.