Thread: Pebble

She was just another pebble on the beach
when he rode in with the tide,
lifted her up,
brushed off sand and dirt.

In his hands
she sparkled,
bathing in dreams
as he painted castles in the sky,
rainbows in the sand.

But tides turn,
castles wash away
and there are other beaches
with prettier pebbles.

I liked this - it held sadness well.

on the last stanza I thought about those rainbows again, because the previous stanza was, for me, such great image, the double meanings. so I wanted the rainbows in the last stanza also, vice 'other beaches' maybe 'other rainbows'

hard to say.

nicely penned, Shadows

enjoyed

Sync

Hi Sync

Thanks very much for reading this and your thoughts. I thought a lot about how to put rainbows in the last verse but wanted to keep beaches so couldn't work out how to include it without it feeling like a list.

When I began reading this I thought of a growing love...some sort of relationship, but it wasn't. You just pulled a lovely twist.

Though the ending Is a sad one, I think I would take some comfort in your wordings. If not...(coughs) I would charge him.

Thanks very much Foxryder. I'm not very good at writing about growing love so usually chicken out and add a twist.

Charge him - now there's a thought

Love it, the end twist is so damn cleverly worded, I do believe I shall have to choose my clothing so as not to clash with envious hue that has suffused my flesh. I'm just kidding, Shadows, I am very taken with your work, all of it. You are most certainly a very valuable asset to this site.

Off topic: love your avie, laughed myself to tears. My kitchen ceiling collapsed yesterday from the weight of blizzard snow and your avie is just so darn befitting. Thanks for that, laughing about my messes always helps.

Thank you Lisa. You are too kind with your compliments. My face is going red with embarrassment but I appreciate your warm words.

I'm glad you like my avatar, sounds like you could have done with an umbrella yesterday when your ceiling collapsed. Hope it is now fixed and not too freezing in your kitchen.

That little twist is what makes this so touching shadows. Loved it.

I liked this very much. Beautiful clear imagery. Well done, shadows.

Thanks very much Gumby and apple and a happy New Year to you.

I love this poem. its beautiful, and sad. with great imagery. theres not one thing about it that you should change. i love the ending especially

Thank you very much un named, I appreciate the visit and your thoughts

Hello Shadows

I too enjoy this piece. It's short and to the point, something I personally prefer when it comes to most poetry.

Just one thing; the rainbow image, even quite unfitting for the beach setting, I find unnecessary. Castles in the sky should do the trick. Unless there's some meaning I'm missing out on...

But good stuff you got here.

Thanks for your thoughts Martin. I tend to be quite minimalist in my poetry. The rainbow image I was trying to turn the image of castles in the sand and rainbows in the sky upside down to add a touch of surreal and outside reality - a dream place where anything is possible.

Surreal indeed. Maybe change the word "painting" to something else. I had the image of him actually drawing a rainbow with his fingers in the sand, which was quite strange really.

Castles, both in sand and sky, already exist (at least in fairytales but as a metaphor then), so that works well, especially with the following tide washing it away. Rainbows in the sand doesn't really hold up to that already established imagery. I do like the up side down intention, and it's always nice when an author knows what he means with his writing. Hmm... not really sure what I would prefer, but the rainbow did stick out to me on my first read.